9 out of 10 monkeys believe they are not behind glass

• "…because she is two thousand light years away." Yeah, that's it. Right there. #

• Fun fact: Gonzo's penis is a mirror image of his nose. #obscenelyruiningnostalgia #
• Fun fact: Kermit's fingers always smell like bacon the morning after. #obscenelyruiningnostalgia #
• The tragedy of Beeker: he only loved Professor Honeydew, and he was always fried in return. #

No I am not missing a space between its and not. Itsnot fair.

Like at all.

I was just sick a month ago. And now I am sick again. Because honestly, if this is an allergy flare-up, then my allergies can go riproarin off and fuck themselves. My head is literally full of snot. Sinuses, Ears, Throat, Nose, probably my eyeballs, and I am pretty sure my brain is in there too.

If I were to die this very instant, the coroner would have fun trying to explain to my wife how he found mucus surrounding every part of my neural tissue. All of the neurons coated in a fine layer of slime. And how, as he removed my brain to weigh it, the pressure from all the snot caused a small explosion that flung him against the wall, brain in hand, and broke his collarbone by the sheer force of hitting the wall. And as, he clutched the brain to his chest, and grabs at his screaming shoulder, a massive fount of grossness spews from my head, covering all his utensils, equipment, and shorting out his recorder. To say the least, he goes into post traumatic shock a few moments later from the experience and decides to move to Guatemala to farm lady bugs for the local monkey population.

Yeah, I am not kidding. Guatemala.