discardia

Tomorrow I hit the safety of my personal shores.

Then come Monday, cleanup at work. I know that plenty of doodie has hit the fan so to speak, and I of course will have to clean it all up.

Then come Friday, my wisdom teeth are getting the five finger discount from my ortho surgeon. Too bad I am paying him to steal four of my teeth.

Seriously, when did I have to start paying for my teeth? Wasn’t the tooth fairy supposed to pay me?

Tell you what bums me out the most about taking time off from work? The inevitable realization that the company does not in fact need you. Every person, no matter how delusioned, is actually quite replaceable. The distinction is on the care factor. How much do you care that your job is done right? Your way? If “your way” and the “company’s way” mesh well, you are closer to be irreplaceable than not. I care a lot about my job (which drives me nuts, cause I hate it sometimes) and I care how things “go down” on “my turf”. Sometimes I feel like a fraud, other times I feel like I am leading the blind. That is not arrogance… and don’t mistake it for such. I love my coworkers and value them very highly… but I feel that I represent a worldview that is sometimes absent or lacking in our group. Maybe it is just me… it is hard to tell, hence the frustration I often feel for my job. Painful at times. And the politics just add icing to the cake. Where can I draw the line between reason and acceptance? Am I sole fighter in my crusade for an environment that meshes with industry standards and a balance between technology and return on investment?

Sometimes my degrees and training and all that rot feel worthless. What happened to my dream of being an author? Here I am at 27 suffering an existential crises and what do I have? About 50 unfinished ideas on paper and another 100 thousand circling the ether of my cranium.

I wish I had my brother’s ability to get things written out. I often say that if both of us turned into authors, he would write the text book and I would write the scifi novel.

Truth.