Archive for August, 2006

Unrequited Love

Yesterday night, my boss comes by my temp cube here in Amarillo and asks if I would like to go drive some beemers.

At first I thought he was kidding. Nope. We drove over to the local BMW dealership on the south side of Amarillo where the Susan G. Komen Drive for the Cure was being hosted. BMW donates a dollar (or something) for every mile driven in their BMWs on this nationwide tour, and I got to add my name to the list.

Up for a drive? Hell yes. A BMW 330 was mine to play with for a sweet 20 minutes.

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The shifting was very cool. It was an automatic, but the tranny let you pop the stick over to the left and use it as a realtime shifter. You can cycle between all the gears just like a stick. It drove very nicely.

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To love and lost is better than never to have loved at all, I guess. The same can be said for driving a freaking enjoyable beemer. They had everything there… Z4′s, X5′s, 3, 5, 6, 7 series beemers. I felt like a kid in a candy shop.

Granted I was Charlie Bucket. No matter how much I drooled, I can’t afford it.

…Hopefully no one noticed the autofahrenlust in my eyes.

Too bad I fell in love with it… I wont be able to afford one of these for at least another 10 years or so.

Afterwards, I was able to sign my name (on the gastank cover!) on the Komen car.

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Spanktards Award: Great Lakes Airlines

Here is the scene: Dark and stormy night, sand as far as the eye can see. In the midst of egyptian ruins, Indiana Jones and Sala on their stomachs, peering down into the depths of the Well of Souls. Indiana sighs deeply and rolls onto his back and mutters: “Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?”

To which Sala replies: “Asps. Very poisonous. You go first.”

Much like Indiana Jones and his aversion to any reptile without legs, I truly hate checking my bags when I fly. Whenever I check my luggage something goes wrong. Almost every single time I have ever checked my bag, it has gotten lost, damaged, or some other form of mayhem that typically ruins my day. And thanks to the wonderful TSA overreacting about gels and liquids (which has been disproven by many many many scientists as actually being a viable explosive), I HAVE to check my bag.

You know my flight to Amarillo last night? Yeah, my bag was on its way to somewhere else. And the Spanktard Award goes to…. (drumroll please)… Great Lakes airlines! For losing a bag on a straight through puddle jump flight with no connections, layovers or changes! You are all freaking retards! Dee, Dee, Dee!

So I had to haul ass to the local mall before it closed, by a change of clothes, necessary toiletries, and hope that my bag finds me before all my stuff runs out of juice. My iPod, DS lite and phone chargers are in my checked bag. I thought I would be smart and save wieght on my carry-on.

Yeah, who is the retard now?

Moi.

Amarillo Bound

Today I leave for the little spit stop pit stop named Amarillo, Texas. You may have heard of it. It is in a couple country songs, none of which are any good. Ungood, almost. You could say, to a certian extent, that the good is almost Lovecraftian in its deep and horrifying “goodness”. But in my opinion, most country music falls in that alien hatred category that we geeks tend to dote upon so much.

And just you know, Cthulhu is a country singer. And he line dances. Then he devours. Yippie-ki-ay-muttafudder.

I have been to Amarillo before. And I will be there again. Like a great cosmic waypoint in my life, my orbit inevitably crosses through the flat brown wastes of Amarillo far more often than the average human being should be subjected to. I imagine it as Texas’ own custom form of Chinese water torture. Slow, and well, torturous.

But I don’t mind it as much now. You know when people say that something is growing on them, and they don’t mean toe fungus? Well that is how Amarillo is for me.

But still kind of a toe fungus. Nasty brown toe fungus. Ok, Ok, I keed, I keed.

My wife is upset. Of course, she is always upset about me traveling. Or riding my bike to work. Or eating too large of grapes and not chewing properly. But my middle name is Danger. It just happens to be pronounced differently.

The thing I hate most about traveling is my current flight status as a suspected terrorist. Yeah no joke. I am on the TSA watchlist. Of course, they probably have me confused with an Irish Terrorist that does enjoy blowing shit up, but I am not him. I like blowing shit up, but it is generally limited to potatoes. Flaming potatos of DOOM! So everytime I fly, I have to wait while my name is ran through the general TSA bullshit. I have the forms downloaded to get my name off of there, but that means that I am not really off the list, but just on a different one. The second list is for suspected terrorists that are tracked a bit more covertly. I am not conspiracy theorist, but sometimes the big brother thing does freak me out a bit. I mean, come on, I have to get a passport to travel in my own country?

How freaking sick is that? A passport! Can you say federal travel pass? Can you say Nazi travel pass?

When I walk up to the security line, I half expect those SS TSA monkeys to say “Papieren, bitte. Wohin gehen Sie?”

And I must respond with a stiff salute, arm raised, palm forward and state my destination. Or I will be summarily executed.

I am not a terrorist. I am a whitebread honkey mofo from the burbs of middle america. The most you have to fear from me is a bad case of gas.

Or my flaming potates of DOOM!

ROCK!

Spam, Spam, Spam… Spam-a-lot!

Via Boing Boing

Jonathan Zittrain and Laura Frieder have studied over 75,000 pump-and-dump stock-scam emails and determined that they actually produce a pretty good return — for the spammer.

People who respond to the “pump and dump” scam can lose 8% of their investment in two days.

Conversely, the spammers who buy low-priced stock before sending the e-mails, typically see a return of between 4.9% and 6% when they sell.

I figured that this was true when the number of stock-scam emails in my in-box doubled and redoubled and re-re-doubled. There are so many spammers running this scam right now that I’m filtering thousands of these every day, and a couple dozen make it through the filter on top of that.

BBC Article Link

Rowan Atkinson clips


Who’s your daddy?

Yeah thats right. And the answer is: I’m your daddy.

At least, in nine months I get to ask that question. Although I’ve never heard of a baby being able to talk fresh out of the womb, I am expecting he/she will learn quick enough and I will get the correct answer in due time.

Until I am able to ask the question, I am planning on running around in a semi-conscious lucid state asking everyone what time it is.

And if they have any pickles to spare.

And by pickles I mean twenties.

And by twenties, I mean big fat rolls of 100 dollar bills.

So, you, yeah you, you got any pickles? Cause I sure don’t and I got me some baby schtuff to buy.

Lots and lots of baby stuff.

Well that is what inlaws and relatives are for, right?

God I hope so. =)

My phone rings at 2pm on Friday. It’s my wife.

“Can you come home now?” she asks.

“Right now?”

“Yeah right now.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Then why do you want me to come home right now?”

“I want to tell you something.”

“Is something wrong?”

“No.”

“Then why can’t you tell me now?”

And so on… and so on… until it dawns on me.

“You’re pregnant.”

Dead silence.

Okie dokie, then. I will be home shortly.”

So I am Dad. I am awfully confused about the whole thing. All mixed up so to speak.

Well time is time, and it makes all things clear. Or heals all wounds. Or some crap like that.

Right now: Deep breaths.

And maybe some beer.

Terrorism has won

From Wired:
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“I’d like everyone to take a deep breath and listen for a minute.

The point of terrorism is to cause terror, sometimes to further a political goal and sometimes out of sheer hatred. The people terrorists kill are not the targets; they are collateral damage. And blowing up planes, trains, markets or buses is not the goal; those are just tactics.

The real targets of terrorism are the rest of us: the billions of us who are not killed but are terrorized because of the killing. The real point of terrorism is not the act itself, but our reaction to the act.

And we’re doing exactly what the terrorists want.

We’re all a little jumpy after the recent arrest of 23 terror suspects in Great Britain. The men were reportedly plotting a liquid-explosive attack on airplanes, and both the press and politicians have been trumpeting the story ever since.

In truth, it’s doubtful that their plan would have succeeded; chemists have been debunking the idea since it became public. Certainly the suspects were a long way off from trying: None had bought airline tickets, and some didn’t even have passports.”

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And… from here:

“Much of the current alarm is generated from the knowledge that many of today’s terrorists simply want to kill, and kill more or less randomly, for revenge or as an act of what they take to be The shock and tragedy of September 11 does demand a focused and dedicated program to confront international terrorism and to attempt to prevent a repeat. But it seems sensible to suggest that part of this reaction should include an effort by politicians, officials, and the media to inform the public reasonably and realistically about the terrorist context instead of playing into the hands of terrorists by frightening the public. What is needed, as one statistician suggests, is some sort of convincing, coherent, informed, and nuanced answer to a central question: “How worried should I be?” Instead, the message the nation has received so far is, as a Homeland Security official put (or caricatured) it, “Be scared; be very, very scared — but go on with your lives.” Such messages have led many people to develop what Leif Wenar of the University of Sheffield has aptly labeled “a false sense of insecurity.”"

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And…

“The bottom line is, terrorism doesn’t kill many people. Even in Israel, you’re four times more likely to die in a car wreck than as a result of a terrorist attack. In the USA, you need to be more worried about lightning strikes than terrorism. The point of terrorism is to create terror, and by cynically convincing us that our very countries are at risk from terrorism, our politicians have delivered utter victory to the terrorists: we are terrified.”

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So has terrorism won? Yes. Have we lost the “War on Terror”? Absolutely.

A good parallel is the “War on Drugs”. The War on Drugs was started by Ronald Reagan. And guess what? Spending on this war has gone up and up and up. And usage, distribution, and consumption has stayed the same. The same. The War on Drugs has no mission, no achievable end. Just a black hole for money, fear and politics.

The War on Terror is the EXACT SAME THING in that sense.

So be afraid. And pay your taxes. And let the politicos lead you around by your little chains and restrict your freedoms while their little TSA Theater makes you think your safe. Cause guess what? Your not safe. It is all a sham. The theater of insecurity just plays to fear.

It is not a safe world. The world is full of pain, suffering, hate and lies.

And for every measure that the TSA and our beloved government take, there a million different ways to blow shit up. And who needs explosives? A little gaseous cyanide in a closed plane cabin can go a long way.

Think about that. There is no end, until we fly like birds. Naked and without luggage.
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And this:

“Another thought experiment: Imagine for a moment that the British government arrested the 23 suspects without fanfare. Imagine that the TSA and its European counterparts didn’t engage in pointless airline-security measures like banning liquids. And imagine that the press didn’t write about it endlessly, and that the politicians didn’t use the event to remind us all how scared we should be. If we’d reacted that way, then the terrorists would have truly failed.

It’s time we calm down and fight terror with antiterror. This does not mean that we simply roll over and accept terrorism. There are things our government can and should do to fight terrorism, most of them involving intelligence and investigation — and not focusing on specific plots.

But our job is to remain steadfast in the face of terror, to refuse to be terrorized. Our job is to not panic every time two Muslims stand together checking their watches. There are approximately 1 billion Muslims in the world, a large percentage of them not Arab, and about 320 million Arabs in the Middle East, the overwhelming majority of them not terrorists. Our job is to think critically and rationally, and to ignore the cacophony of other interests trying to use terrorism to advance political careers or increase a television show’s viewership.

The surest defense against terrorism is to refuse to be terrorized. Our job is to recognize that terrorism is just one of the risks we face, and not a particularly common one at that. And our job is to fight those politicians who use fear as an excuse to take away our liberties and promote security theater that wastes money and doesn’t make us any safer.”

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Next time you watch the news, keep in mind that the Media is there for only one reason. Sensationalism. Not reporting. You have to pull the truth out.

And it ain’t easy.

In regards to my cussing rant

If you need a refresher, click me.

I resurrect yoooooooooooou!

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I give you a dead ipod. Dead as dead can be. No click of death, just a sad icon on the screen. Hard resets, diagnostics and disk mode resets are all futile.

So what do you do? Pay the $100 diagnostic fee, plus the $100 part replacement, plus shipping?

Hell no! You crack it and fix it your damn self. I used a putty knife… and my fingers. I found that if you stick the knife in at the corners, the case is easy to split apart from the metal backing.

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And we have guts! I disconnected the hard drive, reattached the cable.

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And we have life!

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To bad my wife already bought me a 5th Gen black iPod. Oh darn! And it is teeeeeeeeny.

Well now I have an ipod to load linux on! Geek out!