The great cursing argument
I have spent my lifetime justifying cursing. Seriously. People are always arguing how it is unchristian like and that by cursing you are just warming up your seat on the short bus to h-e-double-hockey-sticks. Sure, Jesus wasn’t walking around asking people how their mothers were using the f-word, but then again, he probably never heard a nice and proper cursing streak. Being the son of God and King of the Jews will prevent that from happening most of the time. Personally, my personal savior seems much cooler when he was running around the temple tossing tables about while calling merchants filthy pigs.
And I don’t disagree, it is unchristian-like to curse. But I argue that it is not improper, sinful or anything else that so many people make it out to be. It is just another part of human speech, language and communication. In my opinion, it is totally ok and will not reserve you a seat on the short bus. After all, your seat was reserved when you born, right?
In my opinion there are only two reasons not to curse.
- You are in mixed company and cursing generally is taken as a sign of lower intelligence and poor social aptitude.
- You are asleep.
That about covers it. As long as you are not in mixed company, or you do not care what the mixed company thinks, then curse away. (You should care to a certian extent.) There are only a few small rules that should dictate your cursing.
- Do not take the Lord’s name in vain. Even if you don’t believe in God, it might be a good idea to follow. Why? Well… just in case, you know? Or you could always aim your cursing at a minor diety, like one of the Grecian gods. “Ahhhh, for Gaea’s sake!” or “Zeus dammit!” or even better, “By the Balls of Zeus!” (He was one horny mofo, if you catch my drift. Iron clad nuts and all that.) If you have ever read American Gods by Neil Gaiman, then you know where I am coming from on this one… be careful what names you are using. I wouldn’t curse Allah around Moslems, so you shouldn’t curse Christ around Christians. Just a thought.
- Respect. Just because you curse doesn’t mean you should be a dick about it too. Talking bad about someone behind their back or making fun of someone unfairly is just as bad when you are not cursing, much less when you are. So just make fun of stereotypes. That is how 90% of comedians on this earth stay in business. Making fun of every stereotype as much as they can.
- Overusage. Using the f word every other word is only funny once in a while. Using the f-bomb as every adjective, adverb, pronoun, verb and sometimes noun is just not funny all the time. I heard a guy at a High School Marching Band thing last night use very colorful words for no apparent reason beyond the fact that he was clumsy and tripped over his own damn feet. He looked like a tard. Especially with all the little kids around him. Again, respect. Didn’t he notice all those little eyes looking at him like he was a very bad man? What a tard.
Speaking of overusage here is the funniest one that I have ever heard:
Kyle: Shut up, fatboy!
Cartman: Don’t call me fat, you fucking jew!
Mr. Garrison: Eric, did you just say the F-word?
Cartman: Jew?
Kyle: No, he’s talking about “fuck”. You can’t say “fuck” in school, you fucking fat-ass!
Mr. Garrison: Kyle!
Cartman: Why the fuck not?
Mr. Garrison: Eric!
Stan: Dude, you just said “fuck” again!
Mr. Garrison: Stanley!
Kenny: [muffled] Fuck!
Mr. Garrison: Kenny!
Cartman: What’s the big deal? It doesn’t hurt anybody. Fuck-fuckety-fuck-fuck-fuck.
Mr. Garrison: How would you like to go see the school counselor?
Cartman: How would you like to suck my balls?
Mr. Garrison: [total shock] What did you say?
Cartman: Oh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Actually, what I said was… [picks up a megaphone] HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUCK MY BALLS, Mr. Garrison?
Stan: Holy shit, dude.
Holy shit is right. Rock on boys. Rock on.
