9 out of 10 monkeys believe they are not behind glass

Yeah thats right. And the answer is: I’m your daddy.

At least, in nine months I get to ask that question. Although I’ve never heard of a baby being able to talk fresh out of the womb, I am expecting he/she will learn quick enough and I will get the correct answer in due time.

Until I am able to ask the question, I am planning on running around in a semi-conscious lucid state asking everyone what time it is.

And if they have any pickles to spare.

And by pickles I mean twenties.

And by twenties, I mean big fat rolls of 100 dollar bills.

So, you, yeah you, you got any pickles? Cause I sure don’t and I got me some baby schtuff to buy.

Lots and lots of baby stuff.

Well that is what inlaws and relatives are for, right?

God I hope so. =)

My phone rings at 2pm on Friday. It’s my wife.

“Can you come home now?” she asks.

“Right now?”

“Yeah right now.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Then why do you want me to come home right now?”

“I want to tell you something.”

“Is something wrong?”

“No.”

“Then why can’t you tell me now?”

And so on… and so on… until it dawns on me.

“You’re pregnant.”

Dead silence.

“Okie dokie, then. I will be home shortly.”

So I am Dad. I am awfully confused about the whole thing. All mixed up so to speak.

Well time is time, and it makes all things clear. Or heals all wounds. Or some crap like that.

Right now: Deep breaths.

And maybe some beer.