9 out of 10 monkeys believe they are not behind glass

I had a rough childhood. Nothing like I grew up in Compton and I had to survive gangbangers and all that. No it wasn’t like that. But then again, it wasn’t a childhood that I would wish on anyone or do over again. I know that I would become a different person if I had a different childhood, but I don’t know if that is a bad thing.

I love my mom, and I know she tried very hard to raise me right, but that didn’t change the fact that my father was your stereotypical deadbeat dad. It screwed me up. Maybe it was because of my age at the time he left. Maybe he was under a different set of forces in his life that I just can’t understand. I don’t know.

I reacted like any child would. I started creating fantasies to escape my life. Whole worlds that I could vacate my life for a while and get away from all the pain. There was a long stretch in junior high when I wish I could be a robot.

How silly is that?

And whenever I flex my knee and I am unable to move it, my recent injury reminds me of just how human I am. Whenever I think of my baby, yet to see the world, I am reminded of just how human I need to be. I won’t say getting older has healed those dark wounds from my childhood, but I am able to put them into perspective.

And I think that is what seperates me from my dad. That perspective is what will make me a good father. I am scared out of gourd about it, but I know that what I have learned is what a good dad is, what good dad does, and what a good dad is like. After all, I had a dad in my fantasies. And he was perfect.