9 out of 10 monkeys believe they are not behind glass

In recent months, I have learned a very important lesson when it comes to staffing and hiring people.

1. Do not take personnel recommendations from people you know seriously. A grain of salt is required. A half-ton grain.

and…

2. First impressions really can pan out to be correct. Even if you know better, fight your own personal bias, and give every benefit of the doubt to an individual, some people really meet the expectations of the first impression. Which sucks. Because it makes you feel like a total ass and you can hear that little devil voice dancing gayly in your the back of your mind, shouting “Told you so! Told you so!”

Because of the fact that I did not know these two finer aspects of hiring, I am now faced with a very hard, very difficult decision.

A decision that will either screw me or screw me. Sooooooo either way, I’m screwed.

I hate the whole personnel side of management. I really enjoy the leadership aspect, but I hate dealing with the stupid HR stuff.

Gay. No. Not just gay. But ghey. Uber-ghey.

So you heard it here. Don’t take recommendations from friends without a modicum of analysis and patience, and let your first impression guide your decision, regardless of the shallowness feeling it gives you.

Seriously.

I had a friend in high school that was inadvertently hilarious. Most of the time, without realizing it, he would say something so subversively funny, we couldn’t help but not laugh. There was this one time when we were standing in the line of the local Subway, waiting to place our sandwich orders. He looks at me, folds his arms back to emulate the claws of a T-Rex and says, “I am going to order nothing but a bucket of meat.”

And it is his turn in line. Walking like a dinosaur up to the counter, he flops his unusable t-rex-ish hands up and down and states his request.

“Rawr. I demand a bucket of meat.”

“Excuse me?” The Subway-sandwich-person replies.

“I am a Tyrannosaur Rex.” (pause) “Rawr. I want a bucket of meat.”

“We, uh, don’t have buckets of meat.”

“Ok.” (another pause) “Rawr. I want a subway club, quadruple meat.”

“On what bread?” said the Subway lady.

“No bread. Rawr.”

“No bread?” A completely incredulous response and a raise of the eyebrow.

“Nope.”

“Any cheese?”

“Nope.”

“Veggies?” By now the Subway lady knows the response and is shaking her head.

“Nope. Rawr.”

“Anything else?” She is not sure if this is funny or just annoying.

“Got a bucket?”

Queue our silent giggles turning into outright boisterous laughter. Now, ten years later, whenever I go to Subway, I think of buckets of meat and a T-Rex standing in line ahead of me. How cool is that? To have such an impact with your comedy that your old friends remember it for the rest of their lives. I wonder if I have ever had such an impact on someone. I know that I have had my moments. Maybe somewhere, out there, someone is thinking about some of my more hilarious incidents. Something that just sticks out and makes them smile for no reason.

I wonder.

The xB of the family. Hummer poop to some, ugly to others, adorable to my wife.

Much like food, everyone has their own tastes in cars.

5ive things I would make as my First Order as President of the United States

1. All political campaign TV and Radio commercials are hereby banned
2. All campaigning must be done through print (internet, newspaper, magazine)
3. Video based appearances can only be moderated debates
4. All campaigns must speak for their own stance, not shitting on the competition’s.
5. The party system must be loosened to allow more than two party’s coverage.

And I would remove “In God We Trust” from the government.

If the founding fathers wouldn’t do it, we shouldn’t do it. Period.

Sustainable fitness is hard. And as I said, food really is where the battle is at. You conquer the food issue, you have already won a huge part of the war on bad health.

But what about the pumping iron, sweaty, no pain, no gain thing? This is where I can geek out a little bit. All because the fitness stuff really depends on what system you love as a geek. And I have tried a ton of them.

Some things that I have learned:

It takes three days to get over the hump. It takes 21 days to make something a habit. And you should always start things on a Monday.

You like structure, spreadsheets, planning documents – you should play to those strengths. There are a ton of online tools available for tracking health and fitness. And I use none of them… so I can’t offer anything there.

Mine is the lazy factor. I hate feeling lazy. Doesn’t mean I am not lazy, I just don’t want my conscious self to realize it. So I play to it. When I need to go between floors at work, I take the stairs. When I can get off a few stops early from the bus, I get off and walk. When I need to wake up early and go to the gym, I just do it.

Ok. Stop. Wake up early and go to the gym? Am I insane? Who, in their right mind wakes up early and goes to the gym? I know, I know, it is hard to believe. It is the hump that kills most people.

The first is the shock of waking up so early. Some tips:

• Start on a monday. It puts your head in the right place for the rest of the week.
• Do it three days in a row to get over the hump.
• If you miss a day, absolutely force yourself to not miss two in a row.
• And do it for 21 days to make it a habit.
• Even weekends.

So I have a hump problem. If I miss the 2 day mark, I have to go over that damn 3 day thing all over again. Everytime.

That is one thing I still haven’t figured out. I think once I get that, I may actually be able to get that greek bod I have always wanted.

=P