9 out of 10 monkeys believe they are not behind glass

Some people really enjoy managing others.

Yeah, you know the type, and for the record, they are called assholes.

I just don’t enjoy the management styles as defined by those assholes. It is a pain in my side, and frankly I have better things to do around here.

The question is, at that point, does that actually make me a good manager?

The dichotomy is surprising to think about. By not trying out every management flavor of the week and by my staying out of my people’s way, am I actually doing the best I can in a very complex environment? A part of me thinks so. At least the part of me that hates authority figures. The irony of my position gives me killer ha-has when I think about it.

I tell my guys that their jobs are up to them to define. I can point to the horizon and say take us there, but how they do it, how they choose to do it, is up to them. Because when it all boils down, personal responsibility is the only way to do right by the company. I trust them. They know it. So they do right.

And if they don’t, I tell them. But that is rare. Very rare. And it usually only is done once. I find that if they need help, they ask. They seek me, not the other way around. And that is just the way it is supposed to be.

I do my part on keeping up on what is happening, but it is unobtrusive as I can make it. It is my duty to perform due diligence to keep up on my small slice of the world, not theirs. Reports, meetings and intrusive micromanagement is for all those assholes that call themselves “engaging managers”.

Engage this, muddyfudgers. (Insert crotch grab and squeeze here).

My old boss was that way. At first I thought he was a great boss, because he let me do it all my way. Then he had to start taking management classes and reading a bajillion management books, and creating meetings and forms and reports and generally pissing his entire dept off. Then he up and left us to our own devices and transferred out of our department altogether. I wasn’t really sad about it and that is a bummer. Because I like the guy, just not the management style.

My dragon style will defeat your pathetic monkey style with much justice! (My engrish is a little lax as of late, and for that I apologize to my seven samurai sensei.)

Anyways. My advice to all those management hopefuls (that actually want to manage people), take a moment and think about your teenage years and all those feelings of rebellion. Think about all the heroes in your life, your memories of childhood movie favorites, etc. Because if you are an asshole, then you just wrote “Darth Vader” across your chest and every single one of your people will sabotage you and your death star.

Just saying.