discardia

I don’t know if it is real… but it wouldn’t surprise me one bit if it was.

Benjamin Franklin was hilarious. I always thought he would be the Smart Ass Guy at the signing of the declaration of independence.

Ben: “Oh sure Mr. Big John Hand-cock, cover the whole damn page with your signature. There are only 55 more of us left to sign. We can write small though, so no biggie. Think your so big since your the President of the Continental Congress and all that. Your name implies that you are a Dick, sir. I am glad to see if fits so appropriately!”

In all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. You call this a Paradox and demand my Reasons. They are these:

1. Because they have more Knowledge of the World, and their Minds are better stor’d with Observations, their Conversation is more improving, and more lastingly agreeable.

2. Because when Women cease to be handsome they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a thousand Services small & great…

3. Because there is no Hazard of Children, which irregularly produc’d may be attended with much Inconvenience.

4. Because through more Experience they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion.

5. Because in every Animal that walks upright the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part. The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: so that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the girdle, it is impossible of two Women to tell an old one from a young one.

6. Because the Sin is less. The debauching a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her for Life unhappy.

7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflection; none of which can attend the making an old Woman happy.

8th and lastly. They are so grateful !!!

– Benjamin Franklin, 1745