9 out of 10 monkeys believe they are not behind glass

• Just because an error is reproducible on a system, that does not necessarily mean it is the fault of the system. Users have undeniable talent at unintentionally using a system contrary to the developer’s intent. And somehow that is the developer’s fault.
• 95% of all problems are solved with a reboot. Even if it doesn’t seem to do a damn thing to help.
• Users will mostly fail at rebooting first, then calling for help. They always call first.
• All problems are emergencies, therefore there is no such thing as an emergency.
• Most users cannot understand technology. Not because they are not intelligent, but because they just don’t care. Take that rule and apply it to any personnel supporting said technology. Users don’t care about them either. They just want their problem fixed. The resulting conclusion is that users don’t need to be informed of changes in the environment. As long as it works, they don’t care.
• Regardless of how new, fancy, or expensive a system is, a user will always complain they have a slow machine or that there is something wrong.
• “Glitches” are always explained by PEBKAC.
• Some users think they know what they are talking about when it comes to your job. You can ignore them. Blowhards are just that.
• Users are people, and as such, they deserve respect. But not too much, because then they just walk all over you. And the resulting slapdown is usually more painful for everyone involved.
• Users generally believe any problem can be solved by throwing money into a technology “solution”. They are always wrong.
• Culture always subverts good intentions.
• Certifications are not a worthwhile measure. At all. In fact, unless you work for Government, or a Government contractor, certifications in IT are generally a sign you should avoid the individual altogether.
• Most new hires are a bad fit.
• Isolationism is one symptom of a horrible culture disease in a multiple office company. And the hardest to cure.
• Given two mutually exclusive choices, users will always want both.
• Users will not accept “no” as an answer. But they will accept “I will have to look into that.” Most users never figure out that they mean the same thing.
• Given a quantity of available storage space, users will always want more and/or exhaust what is provided.
• Most users believe the “Rules” are optional and don’t actually apply to them. Corporate Computing Policies are more of guidelines than actual “Rules”.
• Hiring friends is always a mistake.
• Someone will always find fault with your decisions. Regardless of their outcome or circumstances.
• Virtual teams are difficult to manage. Duh.
• Entropy and Order is the best way to describe Data Management. Just as Centralization and Decentralization is the best way to describe a Server Environment. And there is never an outcome, just a continual balancing act.

And that’s the way it is.