Life, work, and play
My wife and I have a recurring fight that we cannot seem to meet in the middle on. And it all has to do with how I like to spend my downtime.
I like to play online video games. To me, video games are no different than watching TV. If I had a choice between watching an hour of TV and gaming for an hour, I would pick the gaming. Without hesitation.
Because, for lack of a better term, TV sucks balls. All of it. We have hundreds of channels and they all have shit on all the time. So, absolutely, give me my games. At least online, I am actively involved with something.
Games give me an odd sense of community. I know it sounds weird, and ultimately superficial, but there is a sense of community with online gaming that lends itself to some primal sort of gravitas with the other players. Achieving goals and fighting bitter battles, is the equivalent in many ways to chess. Just think of it as online chess, but with rockets.
Now I admit, sometimes, I can be selfish. But at least I recognize the fact I am being selfish when I do it. That is huge for most guys. Most rarely are able to see past their own nose when they are being dicks. As a result, I try to spend my time playing when it absolutely does not interfere with family or work. And that leaves odd hours to play. Either late at night or when the family is tied up with something else, like a swimming lesson.
The basis of the fight I think is that my wife views video gaming as being a poor choice, anytime. They shouldn’t interfere with her expectations at all. And most of the time, she does not communicate those expectations. Like most women, she expects me to just to know better. Same planets, different worlds.
I hate the fact that I am relegated to having to make a choice between family, work or games. I don’t think they have to be mutually exclusive. I think you can have all three in a balance that offends no one and makes everyone happy. I love my wife, and love my kids, and I love the time I spend with them. It is invaluable. And games will never replace my family. But when I want to have some downtime, I think I should be able to say what I can do without any repercussion or recourse.
In my opinion, there is nothing unreasonable about that. Especially since I see the big picture. I understand the need for balance. And I think that fact alone is what makes me right.
The response I get the most often is that I don’t care about my wife’s feelings or her being honest with me. And it has nothing to do with that. I listen to her, I try very hard to understand her side. And I apologize when I need I to. I know when I am wrong. But I think the deeper issue is about choice.
What we choose, is who we are.
And I am a gamer. Father/husband first, computer geek second.
But a gamer, never the less.
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