9 out of 10 monkeys believe they are not behind glass

The power of the human mind is extraordinary. Chew on this:

At the Fourth of July, my wife commented that her Grandfather did not look to good. Which is not surprising considering about four years ago, he had really bad hospital scare. Most of the family thought he was going to pass on. In fact, I remember many of my wife’s family saying it was going to happen within the week. Grandpa was a lifelong smoker, diabetic, and definitely not in the best of health. He had pneumonia something fierce and the doctors told Grandma that he was in the final stages of critical emphysema.

But he walked out. On an oxygen bottle… but he walked out nonetheless. He stopped smoking, and for a while he got better.

At the Fourth, my wife said he looked a bit off. I agreed… he did not look his best. She mentioned that their 50th wedding anniversary was coming up in August. She hoped that he would make it… she said he was looking forward to it.

I replied that with many people it is all about determination. That if they have something to live for they continue to live. We talked about my wife’s Great Grandma that was put into a nursing home. Before she was moved in by her kids, she had had her own house, baked pies everyday, and was very active. But after they moved her, she just gave up. She died within the year.

I have heard of other examples of it to. My mom told me that my grandmother died in much the same way. I have heard

Well Grandpa made it to his Anniversary on Saturday without much issue. He had his party, saw all of his kids and grand kids, and great-grand kids. He had his picture taken with the family, he ate his cake and made his jokes. Heard a funny poem written by his youngest son about his long marriage and raising the kids. Saw friends, ate, drank, and was merry. He lingered and talked with his kids as much as he could.

And that night he died.

We don’t know why. But I can venture a guess.

He decided to.

In some fashion, he knew.

Scary.

Generally whenever anyone posits such a remark in a conversation, it is usually because they are actually big fat jerks.

However, I am not a jerk. I am a type-b, laid back personality, and I usually take things as they come. I have my moments though, and this morning I definitely had one.

I was Starcracks, getting myself a cuppajoe, when I stumbled upon not only one of the most frustrating social situations one can encounter, but two.

You know em. They are the people that stand at the coffee bar (where the sugar, spice and creamer is at) and take 20 mins to mix their drink to seemingly scientific levels of precision where they can taste if their damn iced half-whip, full foam, doubleshot, barista spit, double pump mocha has exactly 24 grains of sugar. Not 25, nay 26 is right out, nor 23, for that is too few. Exactly 24. And they have to mix it all so damn slow, I thought the world was going to start spinning backwards like some parody of a Superman movie.

With one such individual, you can still mosey on up and get your dash of creamer and be on your way. But with two! With two, you my friend are fucking stuck.

I couldn’t mosey on up. I couldn’t even reach the creamer if I wanted to. So I had to wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Happy Birthday!

Merry Christmas!

Happy New Year 2009!

And wait…

Damn.

Granted, if this is the worst inconvenience one can suffer, I will gladly take it. But still. You just want to dump your 180 degree coffee on there damn head and tell them if they want to take 20 minutes to mix their coffee, they better well do it off to the damn side and at least attempt to be polite to the other customers.

So here’s to you, coffee scientists everywhere, hope you have a great day!

But… tomorrow I hope you dump 2 grains of extra sugar into your ass-clown excuse of a drink and suffer the unholy consequences!