9 out of 10 monkeys believe they are not behind glass

I used to think vast huge conspiracy theories were indeed possible. Then I grew up and realized that humans as a population, are complete idiots. It is amazing that we are able to accomplish anything as a species, much less be able to survive.

I mean seriously, it is a miracle that we are able to get anything done.

One person doing something is fine, get two people doing something together is doable, three people and you start pushing the increased gains, and you can extrapolate from there. The more people you have involved, the less you will be able to accomplish and the more you will have to spend.

Government is a perfect example of this theory. Large bureaucracies are expensive, slow, and slightly retarded in policy making.

So how could any body of people cover up aliens or assassinations or anything of the sort?

It would take far too much coordination/money/effort on an exponential scale to cover up anything significant. It is just not economically feasible for singular selfish individuals that make up any group of individuals to pull something of that level off. Regardless of motivation.

Feasibility is nil on anything past a specific critical mass of involved individuals.

As I have played online games throughout the years, I have come to three definitive conclusions.

1. I will never be able to play enough to satisfy the urge to game.
2. I will never be the best, no matter how much time I spend playing.
3. There is always someone out there that does 1 and is 2.

These conclusions are not the summation of my doctorate thesis, and I am not a licensed psychotherapist, but I think gaming, like any other reinforcing stimulus, has the dangerous potential to be deeply addicting. The immediate response to such a statement from most of you is something along the lines of “duh”. But stick with me here, I think there is more to it than that. We have all heard the stories of those people out there that are so buried in games like World of Warcraft or EverQuest, that they have pretty much forsaken everything else in their lives… family, friends, education, work, food, and often sleep. They live to game and game to live (they think).

However, I think the addiction is far more widespread than those statistical outliers that have sacrificed themselves to the game, to the promise of escape. I think it affects a number, if not all, online gamers to some extent. We all want the thrill, the interaction, the satisfaction of a great online experience. If we didn’t, then we wouldn’t game.

So in a sense, we are all addicts.

We all want our next fix. And like any abuser, we go through cyclical addictions. We wane and wax through the fixes, swearing it off, hitting it again, then inevitably swearing if off again.

I started playing CounterStrike when it was an early beta mod for the original Half Life (around the summer of 1999). I was hooked. I played about 40 hours a week, while going to school full time, while working and supporting myself. I spent about 2 years of my life playing so much CS that my brain actually started to wire itself to serve the game. I would wake up with new strats in mind, or I would dream about CS. I was a fierce competitor, and I thought I could go pro. I even won a local tourney (bought my first DVD player with the winnings).

But then I became disillusioned. I realized I could not keep it up, the strains of school, work, and life started to conflict. So I went cold turkey and it hurt. I played some other online games to try to offset the loss, like Unreal Tournament, Quake 3 Arena, and Tribes. I enjoyed them all to an extent, I was proficient, relatively skilled, but then I started to realize that they were not same. I was just not going to be able to enjoy them as much. I could feel the itch. Every time I saw something online about CS, I wanted to jump right back in.

Unreal Tournament 2004 changed all that. I think it was the vehicles did it. I am not sure, but the same thing happened. Or at least it could have happened. Surprisingly, CS taught me to recognize the signs of addiction. I knew deep down that I did not want to be addicted again. I did not want to be the best. I just wanted to play to have fun. CS had taught me what the ugly side of gaming was, and it had made me realize that although I was getting the adrenaline rush from winning, I was not having fun anymore.

That is where the breakthrough came in. I realized that I was mistaking the rush for fun. And in reality, it wasn’t even close. If I was looking for fun from the online experience, why was I beating myself up, hurting myself in so many ways, just to play a game? A game, that in reality, gives nothing back? It’s not like you can turn off your computer and have something to show for the 4 hours you just spent shooting at things.

I found that the rewards to gaming have to be intrinsic. You have to realize that the game is for fun. It is not for the rush, it is not to be the best. It is for the moment. And those moments are fleeting, and brief, and easily recreatable if you just give it a little time. It is easy to fall into the trap, to justify it, to dump so much of your life into it. But the result will still be the same. You turn off your computer or console, and your life is still your life. I happened to figure that out before it hurt me, but I see and hear of fellow gamers still struggling to find the balance.

I think you all can. If you just ask yourself, are you having fun? Because if you aren’t, you probably need to go take a walk, or read a book, or meet a girl, or go to class, or work, and live your life. Don’t worry, we will all still be here waiting for you when you get back.

Having fun.