9 out of 10 monkeys believe they are not behind glass

HAHA! Get it? Abhorrent list. Abhorrent. Abhor. A list of things I hate.

Oh nevermind.

1. I hate close talkers
2. I hate the smell of ginger
3. I hate how people hate and love America at the same time
4. I hate the rednecks that drive people to hate America
5. I hate when men leer
6. I hate gravel voices
7. I hate when people act fake
8. I hate shitty writers
9. I hate thinking that shitty writers are published
10. I hate thinking writing is shitty when I don’t write
11. I hate that I don’t write
12. I hate feeling inadequate
13. I hate when I make judgements subconsciously
14. I hate people that think video games are juvenile
15. I hate when people think they are not responsible for their actions
16. I hate water buffalos. Next one I see gets shot.
17. I hate hate lists

… that are ok to throw at your significant other

1. Pillows (all sizes)
2. Rolls of toilet paper
3. Yesterday’s socks
4. The old bed sheets
5. Marshmellows
6. His/Her own clothing
7. A rolled up blanket
8. Snowballs
9. Volleyballs
10. Just about any balls

… that are not ok to throw at your significant other

1. Toaster
2. The dog
3. Your dirty undies
4. Frozen meats
5. Cans of soup
6. The measuring tape
7. Books
8. Kleenex box
9. Grandma’s ashes
10. The special toys under the bed

… to ignore the phone

1. The ringing is annoying
2. Answering it once only invites more calls
3. It rarely is someone you actually want to talk to
4. Someone always wants something
5. Why stop the movie?
6. Again, why stop the movie?
7. Or the videogame, for that matter? Puh-lease.
8. They actually don’t need anything, they just want to chat and burn some time
9. They will ramble, especially when you don’t want them to
10. They will call back if it is important