Archive for the ‘ Tweetage ’ Category

Twitter Updates for 2012-02-03

  • I hate sleep. Yet I love sleeping. The Irony is zZzZz. #
  • Sleeping with a cold is the worst. You lay on your back, you waterboard yourself. You lay on your stomach, soak your pillow. On side, both. #
2012
02/03
CATEGORY
Tweetage
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Twitter Updates for 2012-01-25

  • Its only 8:30am and I am ready to fold the day. Fold like a lawn chair. #
  • And now, its almost 4:30 pm and I am in dire need of a drink, a fez, a sonic screwdriver, and a blue box. Maybe fish fingers & custard. #
  • @steven_moffat need the Dr. to eat more food next season. We are what we eat, and so far the Dr. is only fish fingers and custard. #
  • @wilw no, you had it right. It is *their* jobs they are worried about losing over at the mpaa. And technically they are Americans. #
  • If I was president, my SOTU address would be: "we avoided nuclear war this year", and then I would high five every congress-person. #
  • Then I would punch every single one of them in the mouth for not passing my "candy bar in every pot" bill. #iamahorridpresident #
2012
01/25
CATEGORY
Tweetage
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Twitter Updates for 2012-01-24

  • It's crown golden, shining in the exam light, majestic and bold, the Molar raised its flaming sword and screamed its ancient battle cry. #
  • And the tooth screamed, "Hail the gates of hell as you pass, for today I send you there in pain and horror! Your women shall lament & wail!" #
  • Today was a off day. Nothing "bad" happened, just lots of "I am on a different vibrational constant than the rest of the universe" moments. #
  • I should have been clued in when I phased through solid matter today. Dammit. #thegeekthatcouldwalkthroughwalls #
2012
01/24
CATEGORY
Tweetage
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Twitter Updates for 2012-01-20

  • Guy yelling "hey cool dude" on the street. I know he is not yelling @ me, because I was cool only once for about 3 mins in 1996. #
  • New candy place in downtown denver carries everything you can imagine. The name: RocketFizz, what I just picked up: import salty pocky, yum! #
  • Someone on the bus is playing skrillex dubstep very loudly off their phone. I am guessing its their txt msg alert. Txt…txt…BASS DROP! #
  • If I had a loud dubstep drop for every message, my phone would never ever stop shaking. It would step right off my desk and out the bldg. #
  • Rrrrrrmmmmm BAHMPH. Yep, that person just got a text. Kick it! I should set my phone to play glitch mob every msg. That's awesome. #
  • With wikipedia back up, I can again get back to my factually incorrect and philosophically untrue obscure article edits. #
  • "Lancashire takes its name from the city of Lancaster, which itself is means 'Roman fort on the River Loon'." Heh heh heh. #
  • Evil subtextual laughter needs its own punctuation mark(s). #
2012
01/20
CATEGORY
Tweetage
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Twitter Updates for 2012-01-19

  • I was tempted to black out some things today in order to have my own little coup against SOPA, but my users would have killed me. #
  • And by kill, I mean draw, quarter, tar, feather, hang, shoot, stab, crucify, poison, and in all ways murder me to relative death. #
  • And by relative death, I mean that perhaps they would, perhaps they wouldn't. #
  • Ok, so they wouldn't. But still. #
2012
01/19
CATEGORY
Tweetage
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Twitter Updates for 2012-01-18

  • Its cold here on the wild frontier, you can tell because the fucking geese are frozen to the grass by their own excrement. #
  • Oh the terror in their beady bird eyes as I approach them with a pencil, a cup of canola oil, two hamsters, and some paracord. Don't ask. #
  • In other news, I was not successful in building my own hamster and geese powered air flotilla. My defense: It looked good on paper. #
  • If anyone happens to see a goose with some some hamster pilots, please don't be frightened. They are more scared of you anyway. #
  • Also, ignore those things that suspiciously look like bombs under their wings. They are not dangerous. Unless the hamsters find the release. #
  • In other other news I repeat repeat words some some. Damn thumb stutter. I am seeing a thumb speech therapist. So there's hope hope. Damn! #
2012
01/18
CATEGORY
Tweetage
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Twitter Updates for 2012-01-17

  • I think I have managed to imagine my brother and mother out of existence accidentally. I am not sure how, but I will try to reverse it. #
  • I know I can do it, like that creepy twilight zone kid, and right now they are standing in a cornfield with my father. #
  • And hell, I made my dad disappear years and years ago. I am an old hat at this. #
  • I hope they like corn. And sunshine. And the eerie flute playing in the back ground. #
  • Name of my next band: ""Eerie Flutes in a Cornfield" #
  • A bus is like an epic shit, its slow, big, has gas behind it, and is full of nuts. …AND DID I MENTION THE SMELL? #
  • I love public transportation, its very cleansing. Everything bad in my aura gets stuck to the tacky upholstery. #
  • Of course its hard to get off too. Because my feet keep getting stuck to the floor. #
  • At least the bus driver makes good time. I feel sorry for all the other people he pushed off the road and into ditches, trees, other cars… #
  • Oh look, my driver is Meatloaf. Like a Bat Out of Hell, I'll be gone when the morning comes! #
  • He just needs the mullet, a head scar, and the cast of Rocky Horror dancing around him. Ohhhh yeah! #
2012
01/17
CATEGORY
Tweetage
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Twitter Updates for 2012-01-12

  • It literally took me over an hour to build my doomsday device, and a second to activate its negavertor. …And then it swallowed itself. #
  • And then two of my nameless henchman put their hands into the collapsing void. They were such idiots, I kicked them in. #evilproblems #
  • How can one find henchman that can a) speak with appropriate diction, b) shoot and actually hit something, and c) not fall into voids. #
  • Also it appears that my doomsday device destroyed my summer home in the negaverse. Why did I ever build it manifold adjacent? #
  • I liked that house, overlooking a red lake with deathbirds floating on its glowing acidic surface. #evilworldproblems #
2012
01/12
CATEGORY
Tweetage
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Twitter Updates for 2012-01-11

  • Me: "My mouth is full of horrors." Dentist: "Oh, its not that bad." :: THEN MY BICUSPID STARTING SCREAMING ELDRITCH CURSES :: #
  • FLGATHN NER FLSTHNTANTH…and the dentist's hair burst into flames. She doused it with spout, but then my molar threw a grenade. #allover #
  • Me: "Told you it was bad." Dentist: "I will never doubt a patient ever again." Me: "My incisor is trying to climb out to assault you." #
  • Dentist: "I have never seen a sword fashioned out of toothpicks & chicken bones before. And how did he fashion such a cute little headband?" #
  • Tooth: "avast ye maties! Prepare to be boarded and masticated!" #
  • Dentist: "Nurse, I will need a #4 an inverse, a bible, a butane torch, a roll of solder, some holy water, and some coffee. I'll be awhile." #
  • In other news, it turns out I am going bald because my teeth are pulling it out at night to make pirate themed clothing. #toothfashion #
  • If you think these tweets are bizarre, then you should be here for the crap I am saying to the poor dental assistants. #nervouscomedian #
2012
01/11
CATEGORY
Tweetage
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Twitter Updates for 2012-01-10

  • @jkinter just use DDWRT on your AP, problem solved. in reply to jkinter #
  • @jkinter I am a big fan of the wrt54gl from linksys. If you couldn't pick up on that. Doesn't support N, but its awesome nonetheless. in reply to jkinter #
  • With all this reaver talk, I am reminded I have been using backtrack since the days it was called Moser Security Informatik. #iamold #
2012
01/10
CATEGORY
Tweetage
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