http://discardme.com/blog 9 out of 10 monkeys believe they are not behind glass Thu, 09 Feb 2012 08:00:00 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 http://discardme.com/blog/2012/02/09/twitter-updates-for-2012-02-09/ http://discardme.com/blog/2012/02/09/twitter-updates-for-2012-02-09/#comments Thu, 09 Feb 2012 08:00:00 +0000 discard http://discardme.com/blog/2012/02/09/twitter-updates-for-2012-02-09/

Kockenballsch #

I ask for pop. He looks at me and says "ice pop?" Reply: No, soda pop! "Then call it soda." But it's pop! East-coasters, grrr… #

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I love lamp. I love lamp! #

Sushi, you are in me. #

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I hate sleep. Yet I love sleeping. The Irony is zZzZz. #

Sleeping with a cold is the worst. You lay on your back, you waterboard yourself. You lay on your stomach, soak your pillow. On side, both. #

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Its only 8:30am and I am ready to fold the day. Fold like a lawn chair. #

And now, its almost 4:30 pm and I am in dire need of a drink, a fez, a sonic screwdriver, and a blue box. Maybe fish fingers & custard. #

@steven_moffat need the Dr. to eat more food next season. We are what we eat, and so far the Dr. is only fish fingers and custard. #

@wilw no, you had it right. It is *their* jobs they are worried about losing over at the mpaa. And technically they are Americans. #

If I was president, my SOTU address would be: "we avoided nuclear war this year", and then I would high five every congress-person. #

Then I would punch every single one of them in the mouth for not passing my "candy bar in every pot" bill. #iamahorridpresident #

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It's crown golden, shining in the exam light, majestic and bold, the Molar raised its flaming sword and screamed its ancient battle cry. #

And the tooth screamed, "Hail the gates of hell as you pass, for today I send you there in pain and horror! Your women shall lament & wail!" #

Today was a off day. Nothing "bad" happened, just lots of "I am on a different vibrational constant than the rest of the universe" moments. #

I should have been clued in when I phased through solid matter today. Dammit. #thegeekthatcouldwalkthroughwalls #

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Guy yelling "hey cool dude" on the street. I know he is not yelling @ me, because I was cool only once for about 3 mins in 1996. #

New candy place in downtown denver carries everything you can imagine. The name: RocketFizz, what I just picked up: import salty pocky, yum! #

Someone on the bus is playing skrillex dubstep very loudly off their phone. I am guessing its their txt msg alert. Txt…txt…BASS DROP! #

If I had a loud dubstep drop for every message, my phone would never ever stop shaking. It would step right off my desk and out the bldg. #

Rrrrrrmmmmm BAHMPH. Yep, that person just got a text. Kick it! I should set my phone to play glitch mob every msg. That's awesome. #

With wikipedia back up, I can again get back to my factually incorrect and philosophically untrue obscure article edits. #

"Lancashire takes its name from the city of Lancaster, which itself is means 'Roman fort on the River Loon'." Heh heh heh. #

Evil subtextual laughter needs its own punctuation mark(s). #

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I was tempted to black out some things today in order to have my own little coup against SOPA, but my users would have killed me. #

And by kill, I mean draw, quarter, tar, feather, hang, shoot, stab, crucify, poison, and in all ways murder me to relative death. #

And by relative death, I mean that perhaps they would, perhaps they wouldn't. #

Ok, so they wouldn't. But still. #

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Its cold here on the wild frontier, you can tell because the fucking geese are frozen to the grass by their own excrement. #

Oh the terror in their beady bird eyes as I approach them with a pencil, a cup of canola oil, two hamsters, and some paracord. Don't ask. #

In other news, I was not successful in building my own hamster and geese powered air flotilla. My defense: It looked good on paper. #

If anyone happens to see a goose with some some hamster pilots, please don't be frightened. They are more scared of you anyway. #

Also, ignore those things that suspiciously look like bombs under their wings. They are not dangerous. Unless the hamsters find the release. #

In other other news I repeat repeat words some some. Damn thumb stutter. I am seeing a thumb speech therapist. So there's hope hope. Damn! #

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I think I have managed to imagine my brother and mother out of existence accidentally. I am not sure how, but I will try to reverse it. #

I know I can do it, like that creepy twilight zone kid, and right now they are standing in a cornfield with my father. #

And hell, I made my dad disappear years and years ago. I am an old hat at this. #

I hope they like corn. And sunshine. And the eerie flute playing in the back ground. #

Name of my next band: ""Eerie Flutes in a Cornfield" #

A bus is like an epic shit, its slow, big, has gas behind it, and is full of nuts. …AND DID I MENTION THE SMELL? #

I love public transportation, its very cleansing. Everything bad in my aura gets stuck to the tacky upholstery. #

Of course its hard to get off too. Because my feet keep getting stuck to the floor. #

At least the bus driver makes good time. I feel sorry for all the other people he pushed off the road and into ditches, trees, other cars… #

Oh look, my driver is Meatloaf. Like a Bat Out of Hell, I'll be gone when the morning comes! #

He just needs the mullet, a head scar, and the cast of Rocky Horror dancing around him. Ohhhh yeah! #

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It literally took me over an hour to build my doomsday device, and a second to activate its negavertor. …And then it swallowed itself. #

And then two of my nameless henchman put their hands into the collapsing void. They were such idiots, I kicked them in. #evilproblems #

How can one find henchman that can a) speak with appropriate diction, b) shoot and actually hit something, and c) not fall into voids. #

Also it appears that my doomsday device destroyed my summer home in the negaverse. Why did I ever build it manifold adjacent? #

I liked that house, overlooking a red lake with deathbirds floating on its glowing acidic surface. #evilworldproblems #

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