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Twitter Updates for 2011-07-13

Guy: So you're they one that keeps yelling "we are all going to die" in the back of the bus. Me: yep. G: How do you do it? Me: Ventriloquism #
Me: how did you know it was me? Guy: Your lips were moving. Me: Damn that cheap internet course! #
Guy: Why is that old lady behind us yelling about cheap internet courses? #

As much as anonymity is desired online, eventually you have to cross that line that says "I am what I post" #
Because eventually you will cross that line long before someone else crosses it for you. #

I am haunted by a south pacific god. I see Maori heads everywhere I look and am being told to eat kiwi's. Damn you ancient curse! #
That is the last time I eat from a cursed coconut grove. #

Of course I am standing around waiting for the bus. I told my wife I would be home early. #
And on another note, saw The King's Speech this week. Wow, what a good movie. Way better than I was expecting. I know the awards, but still. #
… And somehow I have Gangsta's Paradise stuck in my head. Swell. #
So recap: waiting for bus, thinking about George VI, and humming some crossover hip-pop. Yeah, its weird in here. #
@davekellett better be careful, your inbox will be flooded with fan fiction. 2 words: potentially horrifying. Unless your fans are genius. in reply to davekellett #

2nd day of downtown denver smelling like dog food. I have never seen so many excited dogs followed by gagging owners. #
Subway Yeast… Is it a band name or a smell or a very bad thing in the NY transit system? #

If I had a nickel for every loud kid on the damn bus, I would have like a 2 and half bucks by now. That's a meal at Wendy's! #
Or the price of a candy bar. On another note: candy bars can cost 2.50. In my day, they were free. Hell they gave them away. #
Or at least, I thought they did. No sir, I was not shoplifting. Yes sir that is a candy bar in my pocket. No sir, it jumped off the shelf. #
What can I say? The candy bar was suicidal? That a good answer? #
Now if I had a nickel (or dollar now, adj for inflation) for every loud kid I heard, I would be a trillionaire off of my own kids. #
And I would still think 2.50 is too much for a candy bar. Inflation: the real temptation killer. Thanks economics! #
The biggest loser needs to give the contestants a preloaded card, a free-for-all @ 7/11, and price every item 10-50 times its worth. #
They get 500 bucks, and the higher calorie options are higher multipliers. Whatever they don't spend they keep. #
But the catch: the only food they have avail that day is FROM the 7/11. OH THE HORROR! #
And another twist: the highest calorie contestant gets another 500 bucks to keep. #
And the lowest calorie contestant loses any cash they may have had left. #
Biggest loser call me for more. I know #
… That is never ever going to happen, but I needed to toss a bit more snark out for my daily quotient. #

I am having an existential… something. Not quite a crises, nor even an emergency. Situation? Minor Inconvenience? Bothersome event? #

I live in an asylum. Sadly, the walls are not stuffed, nor do the doors lock. Yes, it is an asylum ran by the insane. #parenthood #
My house, where the walls are canvases, the couch is a plate, and the floors are a giant sandbox. And the laundry literally is ALIVE. #

I tried to wait it out, take my time and savor Fuzzy Nation. And what do I do? Blow through it in a day. WTF. #