I awoke to an awful loud knocking coming from my front door.<\/p>\n
BAM BAM BAM.<\/p>\n
I rolled out of bed as best I could.\u00a0 I had slept like the dead, which is funny, cause I am.\u00a0 But the bed was amazing.\u00a0 The best sleep I have ever had.<\/p>\n
What do dead guy’s dream of?\u00a0 I was hoping for sexy time with a harem or something, but all I got was a dream about looking for a job at the Career Fair.\u00a0 Just wandering forever, feeling lost, wondering if and when I would ever find anything.\u00a0 Kind of like those dreams you have after getting out of school where you think you are showing up on the last day of a class you never took or forgetting about the test that would let you graduate.\u00a0 It was that sort of dream.\u00a0 All sorts of wrong.\u00a0 Not a nightmare, but sure enough close enough to be called one.<\/p>\n
BAM BAM BAM.<\/p>\n
“I am coming!” I stumbled a bit as I rounded the doorway out of the bedroom and caught the door frame on my shoulder.\u00a0 At least the impact cleared my head.\u00a0 I started talking to myself, “wall there, genius.”<\/p>\n
I pulled the door open and there was Chuck, holding a greasy bag and a drink carrier full of what looked like coffee.<\/p>\n
“Oh its my personal Jesus,” I mumbled.<\/p>\n
“Good morning, sleepyhead. Its nine.” He smiled.<\/p>\n
“The pounding on my door kind of helped me figure it out.”\u00a0 I grumbled.<\/p>\n
“Not much of a morning person, are you?” Chuck laughed. “I have to give you some major kudos, Doug.\u00a0 You managed to latch your realm right on to Prime.\u00a0 I have no idea how you managed, but you managed it.\u00a0 Honestly, I didn’t think it was possible.”<\/p>\n
“You mean outside that door is the real world?”\u00a0 I said.<\/p>\n
“Well its all real, Doug.\u00a0 But outside that door is the only part of the Verse where souls come and go.\u00a0 If that is how you want to define ‘real’, I guess you can, but I wouldn’t.\u00a0 The shadows of the Verse are wild and varied, as they say.\u00a0 And it is all real… no less real than Prime.”<\/p>\n
“I am a miracle worker.” I took a sip of the coffee, it was very good.\u00a0 I didn’t know what I grabbed out the bag, but it appeared to be made out of eggs and something, so I took a big bite.<\/p>\n
“No… I am thinking it is because of your job, to be honest.\u00a0 The assumptions that I make for most folks just don’t apply here.”<\/p>\n
“So what now?” I asked.<\/p>\n
“You tell me, Doug.\u00a0 You called me, remember?” Chuck took his coffee and strolled over to the window.\u00a0 I followed him and looked down.\u00a0 The street was bustling all right.<\/p>\n
“Do you know where we are at?”<\/p>\n
“Denver.”<\/p>\n
“Well shit.\u00a0 I don’t know Denver.”<\/p>\n
“Something landed you here.”\u00a0 Chuck grinned.<\/p>\n
“My first case is in Los Angeles.”<\/p>\n
“And you are from the east coast.\u00a0 Fish out of water.”<\/p>\n
“I think that happened the moment the elephant made a bad choice.” I said.<\/p>\n
“You are funny guy, Doug.”<\/p>\n
“Maybe because it is between where I was and where I grew up?” I ventured.<\/p>\n
“No.\u00a0 Stop that right now.\u00a0 You are on Prime, but you can step out to other parts of the Verse any time.\u00a0 You aren’t constrained to planes, trains, and automobiles.”<\/p>\n
“Good movie.” I muttered.<\/p>\n
“Yeah, John Candy is a hoot.”<\/p>\n
“You met him?” I said, surprised.<\/p>\n
“I have.\u00a0 Same department.”<\/p>\n
“No shit.”<\/p>\n
“No shit.\u00a0 What else, Doug?”<\/p>\n
“So on Prime… what do I look like?\u00a0 Who am I?”<\/p>\n
“Does it matter? Come on Doug.\u00a0 Think about this.\u00a0 You are dead, they are not.\u00a0 You can travel and get any item you want or need, they can’t.\u00a0 You can interact with anyone, anywhere, any time… they can’t.\u00a0 You following?\u00a0 You just got the easiest investigations job on Prime.\u00a0 Your leg work is going to be a whole lot easier.\u00a0 Think about it that way.\u00a0 You are Doug Gates, Adjudicator.\u00a0 On Prime, even if you went to your own mother and said ‘Hi, I am Doug Gates, your son.’\u00a0 She wouldn’t even register your presence.\u00a0 There are no connections that any living person on this planet can associate with you.\u00a0 You are off grid, no paper trail, invisible. You are subjectively and literally a ghost. Make sense?”<\/p>\n
“I guess so.”\u00a0 I muttered again and took a sip of coffee.\u00a0 It was still pretty good. “Where did you pick up the coffee?”<\/p>\n
“Downstairs. You dropped your office right on top of a small market and coffee shop.\u00a0 They roast their own beans and all.”<\/p>\n
“Oh great.\u00a0 Do I pay rent on Prime now?” I smirked.<\/p>\n
“No, your realm is your realm.\u00a0 It fits wherever you want it, with the exception of Prime.\u00a0 But as you can tell, I have no idea on that one any more.\u00a0 The universe adjusts… it fits.\u00a0 The landlord will probably see the extra door on the second floor and remember that his tenant paid in advance for 10 years or something strange like that.\u00a0 I bet all your neighbours know of you already, they just don’t recall ever meeting you.”<\/p>\n
“You are completely and utterly flying by the seat of your pants, aren’t you, Chuck.”<\/p>\n
“Yep! You will too.\u00a0 Get used to it!\u00a0 If you have nothing else, I will step out.\u00a0 The people keep dying and they always need someone to applaud their horrifically funny deaths.”<\/p>\n
“And if I need you again?”<\/p>\n
“You won’t… really, you just figured the big one out.\u00a0 I don’t have all the answers.\u00a0 Those are up to you to figure out now, Mr. Adjudicator.”\u00a0 He tapped my shoulder gently with his palm and headed out the door.\u00a0\u00a0 I heard it close behind me and stood at my new window wondering what the hell I was doing in Denver.<\/p>\n
Denver.<\/p>\n
Isn’t it supposed to be in the mountains?\u00a0 With 10 feet of snow everywhere?<\/p>\n
This is bullshit. I should move to Hawaii.<\/p>\n
…<\/p>\n
This coffee though.\u00a0 Hmmm.\u00a0\u00a0 I might need some more.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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