“Jonny, you ass, I told you to stop at the Loaf and Jug on the way home, and get me my Lights!\u00a0 What am I supposed to do now?”<\/p>\n
I pushed the screen door open from our piece of shit trailer, and let it slam behind me, yelling over my shoulder.\u00a0 “Oh I don’t know, Mom, how about walking up there yourself?”<\/p>\n
“What you say?”\u00a0 She feigned a hearing problem.\u00a0 This is what she did, always manipulating the hell out of me.<\/p>\n
“I said that maybe you SHOULD GET OFF YOUR ASS AND DO IT YOURSELF.”\u00a0 I yelled back at the trailer.\u00a0 Fuck this.\u00a0 I flipped a lone solitary bird over my shoulder and walked away.\u00a0 I heard her yell something, but I didn’t bother listening.<\/p>\n
Right back atchya.<\/p>\n
I headed to the Meet.\u00a0 That was the nickname for a portion of a small creek that bent its way this way and that through our shit county, and had a small deep area the local kids hand commandeered as a private swimming pool for the baking Oklahoma summers.\u00a0 The Meet was where we smoked, acted older than we really were, and occasionally drank ourselves stupid with 3.2 beer.\u00a0 I had a small band of friends, all resident fuckups of the Rez, and had been across the bench with more than a few times.\u00a0 We were real<\/em> winners.\u00a0 In other words, total fuckups. The only girl was Sesame, but she was probably tougher than all of us boys, she didn’t put up with shit. Jack was my best friend and had a thing for thrash metal, long hair down his back, a leather jacket hanging nearby to at least show how metal he was.\u00a0 Benny was a fucking retard, but we didn’t tell him that, and he went along with it.\u00a0 Hanks was the asshole of the group, but he was great to have around in case some older kids or adults came around to fuck with us.\u00a0 He was built like a tank, he knew it, and loved rubbing our faces in it.\u00a0 Except for Sesame, who didn’t put up with it.\u00a0 I swear to god, one time, she yelled at Hanks for being a rude fuck and hit him so hard, he lost a eye tooth.\u00a0 Yeah… no one has fucked with Ses since that.<\/p>\n We put up with Hanks, Ses is a walking legend, Benny has a heart of gold, and Jack was the smart one I guess.\u00a0 I brought nothing but a mouth and mountain of problems on my shoulders.\u00a0 I guess that would make me the funny one, but then again, maybe I was the pity case and I just didn’t know it.\u00a0\u00a0 You can’t be too introspective about these sort of things, because more times than not, you are wrong.\u00a0 People are complex machines, sometimes they don’t understand how they tick.\u00a0 I was so twisted up inside, I barely had the ability to cry in front of others.\u00a0 Wait a minute.\u00a0 Was I the retard?<\/p>\n Great.\u00a0 Now that makes Benny the misunderstood one with a heart of gold.\u00a0 Grand.<\/p>\n Everyone was at the Meet already, and by the time my mind caught up with my legs, I was already catching bits of laughter and conversation that I wasn’t paying attention to.\u00a0 I spread my arms wide as I dropped into the gully and yelled, “Your Chief has arrived.”<\/p>\n “Chief what?\u00a0 Dumbass?” Yelled Ses from the water.<\/p>\n “Uh, yeah, Chief Dumbass?” Hanks laughed with a slight sneer.\u00a0 My theory is he had a thing for Ses, but didn’t tell her or anyone else, and just hoped she would come around on her own.\u00a0 Probably was afraid of her too.\u00a0 That could be a bit of it.<\/p>\n “Oh, real original Hanks.\u00a0 Your shirt must be too tight, it is cutting off the air to your brain.”\u00a0 I shot back.<\/p>\n Benny smiled, then frowned, then smiled, and settled for not saying anything.\u00a0 He hugged me as I got the tree and sat back down to look into the water.<\/p>\n “Heya Benny.\u00a0 Don’t stare too long, the catfish don’t like it.” I smiled down at him. “Where’s Jack?”<\/p>\n “Jack is over there taking a piss.”\u00a0 Ses called.\u00a0 She pointed at the other bank with a grin.\u00a0 “But he has been over there so long, he is either rubbing one out at the sight of me swimming, or taking the largest shit of his life.”<\/p>\n “Oh fuck off, Ses!\u00a0 I am pissing…\u00a0 Leisurely!”\u00a0 Jack yelled from the bushes.<\/p>\n We all laughed.\u00a0 I took off my shirt, shoes, and my walkman and jumped into the water with my cutoffs still on.\u00a0 Ses was splashing about in the deep area, but I just wanted to cool off.\u00a0 Oklahoma was hot, dusty, and hot.\u00a0 Not necessarily in that order.<\/p>\n “Come on Benny, jump in.\u00a0 You are sweating staring at the water.” I yelled.<\/p>\n Benny shook his head and mumbled something. I swam over to the bank next to his little lookout and looked up at him.<\/p>\n “What’s wrong, Benny?” I said more quietly.<\/p>\n “The water, Jonny.\u00a0 Its talking today.” He smiled slowly.\u00a0 “I am having a hard time hearing it, but I am getting bits and pieces.”<\/p>\n “Oh yeah?\u00a0 Whats it saying today Benny?”\u00a0 Benny was special, but I don’t think he was dumb.\u00a0 His thoughts just moved in different directions.<\/p>\n “Saying something about your Grandfather.”\u00a0 Benny said.<\/p>\n “My grandpas have been dead for a long time, Benny.\u00a0 My mom’s dad died before I was born, and my dad’s dad passed when we were in first grade.\u00a0 Remember?\u00a0 We all went to the funeral.”<\/p>\n “No, not your grandpas.\u00a0 Your Grandfather.\u00a0 The water won’t say much else.\u00a0 Just says he is on the Butte waiting for you.\u00a0 …Find the wolf.\u00a0 Yeah, definitely, find the wolf.”<\/p>\n “That sounds pretty crazy, Benny.” I laughed nervously.\u00a0 “You feeling ok?”<\/p>\n “Just what I am hearing, Jonny. Tumbling Raven to the water, following the old one.\u00a0 Grandfather.\u00a0 Yours.” He pointed at me. “You need to leave.”<\/p>\n “Leave?\u00a0 Benny, I just got here. Was going to swim with you and Jack and Ses and even Hanks for awhile.\u00a0 I have a tenner, thought I would buy us a bag of burgers later.\u00a0 Come on in Benny.\u00a0 You are sweating yourself silly.”<\/p>\n Benny’s eyes went wide. “Oh, no Jonny.\u00a0 You have to leave today.\u00a0 Now would be better.”<\/p>\n “Why Benny?\u00a0 Why today?”<\/p>\n “Because Ses and Jack are going to drown and Hanks is going to blame you.\u00a0 No one is going to believe you.”<\/p>\n “What?!”\u00a0 I turned around, and realized that I hadn’t heard Ses or Jack or Hanks.\u00a0 I called, “Ses?”<\/p>\n “SES!\u00a0 JACK!” I shouted.\u00a0\u00a0 I looked all over the bend, but I didn’t see them. Hanks was climbing back down the hill from the edge with a water case in hand.\u00a0 His face looked troubled.<\/p>\n “Have you seen Jack or Ses?” I yelled.<\/p>\n “No.\u00a0 I was at the truck grabbing my jug. Why?”<\/p>\n “SES!\u00a0 JACK!” I yelled as I swam out to the deep part and took a deep breath. I ducked under and kicked down as hard as I could.\u00a0 The water here was only 10 to 12 feet deep, but the water was full of silt and impossible to see through.\u00a0 I pushed my self down, blindly grabbing around, hoping to snag something that resembled an arm or a leg or something.\u00a0 I kicked my way back up and took a deep breath.\u00a0 Hanks was still standing at the edge looking at me with something weird on his face.\u00a0 I couldn’t look any closer, so I took a deep breath and kicked back down.\u00a0 My fingers brushed something to my right.\u00a0\u00a0 I kicked over and felt an arm.\u00a0 A hand.\u00a0 I grabbed it and pulled up hard.\u00a0 Something was pulling on it from the other side… I couldn’t see or feel what it was.\u00a0 I found the bottom with my feet and pushed up as hard as I could, grasping the hand with both of mine.\u00a0 As I cleared the water, I pulled the person up to my chest and saw it was Jack.\u00a0 His long hair was plastered all over his face and chest.<\/p>\n I dragged him to the bank as quickly as I could.<\/p>\n “Hanks you GODDAMN IDIOT, help me!\u00a0 Now!”\u00a0 I yelled.<\/p>\n He finally started moving and grabbed Jack, pulling him from the water like a canoe.\u00a0 For once I was glad he had all those ridiculous muscles.\u00a0\u00a0 I pulled myself out and pushed down hard on Jack’s chest.\u00a0 I pushed as hard as I could and water spouted out from his mouth.\u00a0 I bent over, cupped his chin and his pinched his nose and exhaled everything I had.\u00a0 He coughed, vomited out water all over the bank, and started breathing.\u00a0 His eyes fluttered and he kept retching, but at least he was breathing.<\/p>\n “Oh thank god. Hanks, come on, we have to find Ses.” I said. “Benny, watch him.”<\/p>\n Hanks just stood there, gaping like an idiot.<\/p>\n “WHAT THE FUCK, HANKS, COME ON!”\u00a0 I yelled.<\/p>\n “I don’t know how to swim, Jonny.”\u00a0 He said quietly.<\/p>\n “WHAT!? You have been swimming for years.”\u00a0 Then it dawned on me that I had never actually seen him in the deep water. “Fuck.”<\/p>\n I swam back out to the deep, and dove again.\u00a0 And again.\u00a0 And again.\u00a0 And again.\u00a0 I would move over every dive, hoping against hope.\u00a0 I was running out of time.\u00a0 I had ran out of time.\u00a0 I dove again.\u00a0 Then something grabbed me.\u00a0 I almost screamed under the water.\u00a0 It wasn’t a hand, or a claw, or anything like that.\u00a0 It was the water.\u00a0 It was an undertow.\u00a0 A heavy hand, like gravity, but sucking, pulling, and keeping me from the air above.\u00a0 I panicked for a second, then stopped fighting it.\u00a0 I was pushed along for a few seconds.\u00a0 I waited until I found a pause, but the water was vicious. My lungs were burning, my vision behind my eyelids was full of creeping red.\u00a0 I finally found a small chance and pushed up as hard as I could.\u00a0 I broke the surface and took a huge ragged breath, only to get half of it in water and being drug down again.\u00a0 Then I knew. Right there.<\/p>\n This is how Ses just died.\u00a0 Jack must have got caught on something.\u00a0 A branch or rock or something stuck in the silt.\u00a0\u00a0 But I was in it.\u00a0 It had me.<\/p>\n I pushed myself hard.\u00a0 Started swimming with it as best I could, angling for the surface.\u00a0 I broke the surface again, and was able to take a breath.\u00a0 And I saw her.\u00a0 Face down.\u00a0 At the bank.<\/p>\n I felt the current let go and I literally crawled my way over to her.\u00a0 I felt almost dead… my breaths were ripping harsh breaths, stinging my lungs, while my eyes felt raw from the silt.\u00a0 I was feeling broken and helpless, my heart was flayed and laid bare.\u00a0 We were past the bend.\u00a0 No wonder I hadn’t heard her.\u00a0 I pulled myself up to the rocks and dragged her floating body over to me.\u00a0 I flipped her over slowly.\u00a0 She was gone, and no amount of CPR was going to do anything at this point.<\/p>\n But I tried anyway.\u00a0 I pulled her onto the rocks, half way submerged up her shoulders as she laid there.\u00a0 I pushed, pushed, pushed, pushed, pushed, and blew, and pushed, pushed, pushed, pushed, pushed, and blew again.\u00a0 I think I screamed.\u00a0 I think I screamed a lot.\u00a0 It kind of blurred together.\u00a0 I lost track.\u00a0 The screaming, the crying, the horrible sensation of rage at the cruelty of everything.\u00a0 I pushed down hard on the third set, and felt some ribs crack in her lifeless body.<\/p>\n She was blue.\u00a0 And white.<\/p>\n I felt a shadow from the top of the high bank fall down on me.\u00a0 I turned and saw Hanks looking down.\u00a0 His eyes said everything, and Benny had already told me.\u00a0 But he said it anyway.<\/p>\n “You… murderer.”<\/p>\n “I tried to save her, Hanks.”<\/p>\n “Bullshit. You pushed her under.\u00a0 Didn’t you?\u00a0 Jack probably saw.\u00a0 You pushed him under too.\u00a0 Then you change your mind when I catch you going over the story with Benny.\u00a0 Think your secret is safe with that retard?\u00a0 Just wait.\u00a0 You fucked up when you saved Jack.\u00a0 I am going to get the Deputy. Don’t you dare fucking move.”<\/p>\n “That is insane, Hanks.\u00a0 Why would I kill my best friends?\u00a0 Benny and I were talking, Jack and Ses got pulled under!”<\/p>\n “Yeah right.\u00a0 You told Benny about the drowning, he was agreeing with you.\u00a0 You saw me and dove under.\u00a0 You pull Jack up, you go back out, you dive under and don’t come back.\u00a0 Then I hear screaming, I come over here to find you hovering over Ses’s dead body.\u00a0 You sick fuck.\u00a0 I am going for the Deputy.”\u00a0 His face disappeared.<\/p>\n I looked down at Ses and pushed her raven hair out of her eyes.\u00a0 They were closed, thank god.\u00a0 I touched her cheek and started crying again.<\/p>\n A few minutes later, another shadow came over the edge.\u00a0 It was Benny.<\/p>\n “Benny, oh thank god.\u00a0 We have to lift her out.\u00a0 I don’t think I can swim back with her body.”<\/p>\n “Jack told me to find you.\u00a0 I found you.”\u00a0 Benny smiled.<\/p>\n “Benny, did you hear me?\u00a0 We have to lift her out of here.”<\/p>\n “Water told me not to, Jonny.\u00a0 Water said she was safe.\u00a0 Water told me to tell you to run. Run right now.\u00a0 So I brought your stuff.”\u00a0 Benny said.\u00a0 He tossed my shoes and shirt and my walkman into the water next to me. The walkman shattered when it hit the rocks, and my shirt and shoes immediately were soaked.<\/p>\n “God dammit Benny!\u00a0 Listen.\u00a0 The water did not say anything to you.\u00a0 The water can’t talk!\u00a0 Ses is just laying here.\u00a0 Come on Benny!”\u00a0 I yelled.<\/p>\n His eyes started to water and he sniveled.\u00a0 He turned away, and I heard him sob. “Run, Jonny. Run.”<\/p>\n So I kissed Ses on the cheek as gently as I could and pushed myself back into the water.\u00a0 I floated downstream for an hour, then crawled up the other side.<\/p>\n And I ran.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" “Jonny, you ass, I told you to stop at the Loaf and Jug on the way home, and get me my Lights!\u00a0 What am I supposed to do now?” I pushed the screen door open …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"webmentions_disabled_pings":false,"webmentions_disabled":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-146","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-short-story","category-writing"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/discardme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/146","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/discardme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/discardme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/discardme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/discardme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=146"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/discardme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/146\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":148,"href":"https:\/\/discardme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/146\/revisions\/148"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/discardme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=146"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/discardme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=146"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/discardme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=146"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}