An early morning walk, I am in the sixth grade
\nThe light is blue, with the sun reticent behing mountains
\nThe night is thinking of dissipating, but not yet
\nnot yet
\nThese small moments feel formative
\nSmall increments of time connected from then to now
\nLike links of a chain, each unique, yet whole
\nFrom moment to moment, I remain the same
\nyet
\nI know this cannot be true, I am not the same
\nAs I was in the sixth grade, walking down the gravel
\nHearing the birds in the early morning chill
\nI feel that my consciousness is fully formed
\nnot yet<\/p>\n
I had a recurring nightmare growing up
\nA sphere that was a square, formed of pick up sticks
\nHundreds at first glance, no thousands, no millions
\nMore than all the grains of sand in the world
\nEach stick, each rod was unique, it had its place
\nEach rod had a function, each function made the shape
\nThe shape was a sphere, but it was also a square
\nFor in the completeness of how it should be
\nIt was something else entirely
\nI did not know it then, but I know now
\nI was viewing my consciousness from outside of it
\nWhy was it a nightmare then?
\nViewing my own mind, its strange duality
\nAlien to the very shape of itself
\nThe rods would shift constantly, moving without stop
\nSome would fall out of place
\nI would have to push them back
\nMore would fall fall of place
\nI would have to push them back
\nHundreds, thousands, millions
\nI could not keep up with the
\nnightmare<\/p>\n
My consciousness was broken, fractured
\nParts of myself were flung outwards
\nThey attached to strange things, odd things
\nI was a human, a monster, a super hero, a robot
\nyet
\nI was none of these things
\nI was not formed to be what I needed to be
\nI was broken and not even a human then
\nI did not know that, not yet
\nnot yet
\nMy nightmare, my consciousness, moment to moment
\nI have learned to shape in my own way
\nTurning this broken thing into something almost human
\nAnd it is who I am now
\nyet<\/p>\n
I am only a chain of memory<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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