So what do you tell a dead guy immediately after they die?<\/p>\n
That was Chuck’s job.\u00a0 He was a Death Transition Consultant, specializing on the more traumatic deaths. He supported the individuals that came ‘out of the world’ in a rather violent way, as he put it.\u00a0 And it was his job to help me in this trying time… and to let me make my choice.<\/p>\n
“What choice is that,” I said.<\/p>\n
“The choice of what you are going to do, lad!\u00a0 You can’t spend eternity floating about with a harp and a halo.\u00a0 You have to make a living.\u00a0 You have to contribute to one cause or another at some point.”<\/p>\n
“Why?”<\/p>\n
“WHY?!\u00a0 Because you bloody well have to! The world you knew was a preliminary stage.\u00a0 Qualifying for the next heat.\u00a0 You are in the next race now, and it is time to step up to a line.”<\/p>\n
“And if I don’t?” I was getting kind of pissed.\u00a0 I knew I had to work to eat and have shelter in the ‘real world’, but being dead, one doesn’t need to eat, and any rain wouldn’t bother me.\u00a0 Why struggle to makes ends meet when the ends just didn’t fucking matter anymore?<\/p>\n
“If you don’t… ha.\u00a0 You don’t have a choice.\u00a0 You don’t get to pick inaction.\u00a0 Picking inaction invites the Colos.\u00a0 Then your choice just doesn’t matter anymore.”<\/p>\n
“Carlos?\u00a0 Who is Carlos?”<\/p>\n
He sighed exasperatedly. “The Colos. C – O – L – O – S.\u00a0 A nightmare of nothing.\u00a0 It is a force, not a being.\u00a0 You can’t reason with it, you can’t beg it.\u00a0 It comes for the refuse, the trash, the fodder.\u00a0 Think of the Colos as the cosmic garbage man.\u00a0 He comes and cleans up the mess.\u00a0 For beings like you and I, that means being unmade. Our very essence is removed from not just this plane, but all planes.\u00a0 We are removed from whole of reality.\u00a0 Because the Colos is not bound to time or space or anything else.\u00a0 All the principles of our universe are nothing but something that needs to be cleaned up.”<\/p>\n
“So I pick nothing, I die?\u00a0 I thought I was already dead?” I said.<\/p>\n
“Oh you are dead to that world, not to this one.\u00a0 But in this one, you get unmade, your existence is wiped out everywhere.\u00a0 The universe reasserts itself… Doug does not exist any more.\u00a0 Your mother never had you, your father never knew you.\u00a0 Your death never happened.\u00a0 Blink.\u00a0 One moment, Doug, the wonderful boy from Winchester, much loved by his family and friends, horrible accident with an elephant, coverage in the local paper, legend for the next fifty years… all that gone.\u00a0 No Doug, period.\u00a0 Get it?”<\/p>\n
“Yeah, I get it.”\u00a0 I said sourly.<\/p>\n
“Wipe that look off your face, Doug.\u00a0 You can do anything.\u00a0 Anything!\u00a0 The universe is your oyster so to speak.”<\/p>\n
“Like what?”<\/p>\n
“Oh, this and that.\u00a0 The universe is huge.\u00a0 Earth is constrained for a reason.\u00a0 It is its own little pocket of the universe.\u00a0 The rest of the universe?\u00a0 Yeah, its open.\u00a0 You hungry?”<\/p>\n
“For what?\u00a0 I am dead.\u00a0 I don’t have to eat.”\u00a0 I felt my lip curl in confusion.<\/p>\n
“Yeah, and you don’t have to wear clothes either.\u00a0 But you are.\u00a0 You are not insubstantial.\u00a0 You are ascended, yes, but your matter is still matter.\u00a0 It takes energy to run your brain, your soul.\u00a0 Your a wisp, but a wisp needs food too.”<\/p>\n
“Uh… ok?! What does wisp food taste like?”<\/p>\n
“Oh depends on who’s cooking.\u00a0 I know a good place… come on.”\u00a0 He said.<\/p>\n
He grabbed my shoulder and turned sideways?\u00a0 Not sure how to explain it… he turned away from me, I felt a pull and we were standing in front of a diner I knew of down on fifth.<\/p>\n
“Hey, I know this place.\u00a0 Good hamburgers.”<\/p>\n
“Yes they are.\u00a0 After you.” He waved his hand forward with flourish.<\/p>\n
We stepped into the Diner, and it was the Diner, but wasn’t the place I knew.\u00a0 The tables were in the same places, the upholstery was different, and the creatures running about weren’t human.\u00a0 Pretty sure the cooks were demons of some sort.<\/p>\n
“This is Roxie’s on fifth, right?” I asked.\u00a0 They looked like roaches.\u00a0 Huge roaches, walking upright, handing off plates to customers of all shapes and sizes on their own.<\/p>\n
“Russell’s on fifth, actually.\u00a0 Same imprint, different owner. That table is open.”<\/p>\n
We sat and a roach thingy skittered up to the table, just inclining its head slightly.<\/p>\n
“Two beers, two cheeseburgers, and a bucket of fries.” Chuck smiled. “Plenty of salt.”<\/p>\n
The thing skittered off, a scratchy, tapping noise on the cheap linoleum.\u00a0 I swear I heard hissing too. I lowered my voice considerably, I didn’t want to come off rude.<\/p>\n
“What are they?”<\/p>\n
“The roaches?\u00a0 Exactly what they look like.\u00a0 Roaches.”<\/p>\n
“How did they get so big?” I said disgustedly.<\/p>\n
“Oh Doug.\u00a0 Drop that attitude right here.\u00a0 Things are going to be different.\u00a0 Get over it.\u00a0 Enjoy it.\u00a0 Endless wonder.\u00a0 Yeah.\u00a0 Enjoy the endless wonder.”\u00a0 The beers arrived, Chuck drained his in a single go and ordered another before the roach had a chance to scamper off. “Roaches know food.\u00a0 They are good at it.\u00a0 These roaches are not purebreds obviously…”<\/p>\n
“Purebreds?” I said.<\/p>\n
“Yeah, creations.\u00a0 You know, made by greater powers.\u00a0 These guys are amalgamations.\u00a0 Legion.\u00a0 You know, many.”<\/p>\n
“Many roaches?\u00a0 Like all stuck together?”<\/p>\n
“Toss some spirits and essences in there too.\u00a0 Imagine a cosmic primordial soup, stir it around a few million years and eventually something interesting is going to crawl out.\u00a0 The form works, let it go.”\u00a0 He shrugged.<\/p>\n
“Because everything fits?” I said sarcastically.<\/p>\n
“Exactly!” He smiled widely.\u00a0 “You are getting it.”<\/p>\n
“How long are you going to hold my hand in the afterlife?”<\/p>\n
“Oh, about as long as I need to.\u00a0 You have a million questions, I have a million answers… plus I can’t leave until you make your career choice.\u00a0 Kind of in my contract.”<\/p>\n
The food arrived and we both tucked in without much discussion.\u00a0 The burgers were definitely hamburgers, and the french fries were definitely cut up fried potatoes.\u00a0 And it all was pretty dang good.\u00a0 To someone that hadn’t eaten anything since waking up, it was like my first meal out of prison.\u00a0 It was delicious.<\/p>\n
“So… what now?” I asked.<\/p>\n
“Well we finish our meal, then I take you for a tour, then I take you to the career fair.\u00a0 I stand by you until you sign on a dotted line, then I move on to the next corpse.\u00a0 No offense.”<\/p>\n
“None taken.”\u00a0 I took another bite.<\/p>\n
“So start with the three top questions you have.”<\/p>\n
“That is easy.\u00a0 Is there a god?”<\/p>\n
“Of course there is.”<\/p>\n
“Oh how silly of me.” I said sardonically.<\/p>\n
“Yes. Much.\u00a0 Next question?”<\/p>\n
“Can I meet him?”<\/p>\n
“Ha.\u00a0 Absolutely not.”<\/p>\n
“Why?”<\/p>\n
Chuck put his hands to the his temples and made an exploding motion outwards.\u00a0 “It would blow your mind.\u00a0 Quite messy.”<\/p>\n
“So far the afterlife seems to be not all that different from the real world.”<\/p>\n
“Who said it would be different? Not I.\u00a0 I said this is the next heat in a big race.”<\/p>\n
“You did.”<\/p>\n
“I did.” Another mutual bite of our food.<\/p>\n
“You said it was the next heat with your absolute shit racing analogy.” I said.<\/p>\n
“I bet your pardon, my analogies are sublime.\u00a0 I have perfected them over the last hundred years. Next question?”<\/p>\n
“What is it all for?”<\/p>\n
“Finally.\u00a0 The question.\u00a0 The big one.”\u00a0 Chuck put down his hamburger and crossed his fingers over his plate. “What is the purpose of life?\u00a0 What is the meaning of living on a planet, struggling, loving, losing, and then dying?\u00a0 Why do you wake up on the other side expecting relief from the struggle… only to find more of it?\u00a0 Ha.\u00a0 Imagine what the suicides must feel like.\u00a0 Glad I don’t work that department.”<\/p>\n
He swallowed heavily and leaned towards me across the red formica tabletop.<\/p>\n
“The answer to the the question is simple.\u00a0 The point of it all is the struggle.”<\/p>\n
“The struggle?\u00a0 What the hell does that mean?”<\/p>\n
“The struggle of love over loss, the struggle of life over death, the struggle of good over evil… its all a struggle. And it is a fight that defines the universe.\u00a0 It is a fight that you will need to contribute to.”<\/p>\n
“How?”\u00a0 I felt my head swimming and stopped eating.<\/p>\n
“Career fair!\u00a0 The universe comes down to a single career fair that never ends.”<\/p>\n
“You are fucking kidding me.” I said.\u00a0 Chuck had to be pulling my leg.<\/p>\n
“Nope.”<\/p>\n
“A fucking, hello-my-name-is-pam-and-I-want-to-talk-to-you-about-a-career-in-sanitation, kind of career fair?”<\/p>\n
“That is about right.\u00a0 You pick your job, you place your vote, and you join a political party.\u00a0 All in one swoop.”<\/p>\n
“Now I know you are fucking with me.”<\/p>\n
“Why is that?” Chuck ended with a chuckle.<\/p>\n
“Because there is no possible way there are politics in the afterlife.\u00a0 That is just cruel.” I shook my grimace out.<\/p>\n
“Well it is important.\u00a0 It is for earth.”<\/p>\n
“Bullshit.”<\/p>\n
“No listen.\u00a0 The Earth is not just a planet.\u00a0 It is a balancing point for the whole of the universe.\u00a0 It is the source of the Prime.”<\/p>\n
“You are seriously telling me that Earth is the center of the universe?”<\/p>\n
“I am.\u00a0 Imagine a billion earths all overlapped on each other.\u00a0 Each earth has different levels if you will… your death on the Prime happens to be the center of that balance.\u00a0 Depending on the balance of the scales, the Prime slides one way or the other.\u00a0 But all of it matters.”<\/p>\n
“I don’t understand at all, Chuck.” I think my eyebrows where buried in my hairline.<\/p>\n
“This diner for instance, you recognized it, but it is not the diner you knew.\u00a0 So obviously we are not on your earth, right? Its a huge teeter-totter, a big see saw.\u00a0 At one end is the Angelus.\u00a0 At the other end is the Authority.\u00a0 Between the Authority and the Angelus, the balance of worlds is controlled, maintained, and held.\u00a0 A balance where everything fits.\u00a0 Your soul came from the only place souls can come from… all souls come from one place. Prime.\u00a0 The entire show is driven by the souls from Prime.\u00a0 And Prime is the prize.\u00a0 For the side that controls Prime, controls reality.\u00a0 Because if you control the source of the souls… well… you control everything.”<\/p>\n
“And the career fair is supposed to what?\u00a0 Enlist souls to either side?”\u00a0 I said incredulously.<\/p>\n
“Exactly!” Chuck beamed. “I knew you were smart when I saw you hanging from the back of an elephant!”<\/p>\n
A roach passing by inclined its head questioningly and stopped.<\/p>\n
“Don’t ask.” I grumbled.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
So what do you tell a dead guy immediately after they die? That was Chuck’s job.\u00a0 He was a Death Transition Consultant, specializing on the more traumatic deaths. He supported the individuals that came ‘out …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"webmentions_disabled_pings":false,"webmentions_disabled":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-90","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-short-story","category-writing"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/discardme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/90","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/discardme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/discardme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/discardme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/discardme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=90"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/discardme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/90\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":91,"href":"https:\/\/discardme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/90\/revisions\/91"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/discardme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=90"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/discardme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=90"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/discardme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=90"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}