“So what do you want to do?” Chuck asked with a smirk, tipping his beer bottle into the corner of his mouth.\u00a0 I noticed the label finally.\u00a0 Kours Lite. That sounded familiar… although I didn’t know why.<\/p>\n
“I have no idea.\u00a0 I had hard enough time figuring that out when I was alive.”\u00a0 I had graduated high school, moved from job to job, starting and stopping community college at least a half dozen times, and I still had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up.\u00a0 Which was never going to happen now.\u00a0 “Do I age?”<\/p>\n
“More or less.\u00a0 Aging is different on this side of Prime.\u00a0 You don’t break down in physical form any longer… since entropy is not in effect with what you are made of, but your mind continues to grow.\u00a0 Everything is based off of your age in that sense.\u00a0 Your appearance can change at will.\u00a0 It is all about self image, really.\u00a0 You will meet young looking people that have been dead for millennia, and old walking corpses that died at 10 years of age but like the zombie look.\u00a0 Your mind…” He reached across the table and tapped my forehead. “Your mind continues on.\u00a0 That is what is holding what makes you together.\u00a0 I died on Prime at the ripe old age of 79.\u00a0 I was a real estate agent in my previous life, selling bungalows and revivals to people with way too much money out in a place called Los Angeles.”<\/p>\n
“I know it.\u00a0 Hollywood and all that; horrible airport.”<\/p>\n
“Really?\u00a0 Must have been after I left.\u00a0 So I show up, ready for my harp and wings, and this crusty old lady meets me when I woke up after transit.\u00a0 She looked me right in the eye and said, ‘I hope your life was fun, because now its time to get busy.’\u00a0 It turns out that she was only looking like that to make herself be respected, like a matronly school teacher or a dear aunt.\u00a0 Honestly, she looked like Mary-fucking-Poppins hit her stride.”<\/p>\n
I laughed.\u00a0 I loved that movie.\u00a0 Never read the book.<\/p>\n
“Yeah, right?\u00a0 That is what I thought too.\u00a0 She tells me… the world is bigger than I ever thought.\u00a0 I thought I was smart when I died.\u00a0 Like I had it all figured out… I was wrong.\u00a0 That single notion that I knew that I had a billion other things to learn… that is what enabled me to grow, prosper, and ultimately be sitting here in front of you, your skilled and friendly transition expert.”<\/p>\n
“So what do you do?\u00a0 Do you have a home?\u00a0 Days off?”<\/p>\n
“Yes… kind of.\u00a0 Its… complicated.\u00a0 I have a realm that I share with others like me.\u00a0 I am there right now.\u00a0 You just don’t get it yet.\u00a0 That is what maturity brings.\u00a0 The afterlife is a meritocracy in many ways.\u00a0 As you mature, and you learn more, and your consciousness expands… your relative worth increases.\u00a0 It is a badge of sorts… boy scouts or something like that.\u00a0 At different stages of your personal journey, you will learn new things about the world we live in and that reflects both outwardly and inwardly.\u00a0 You are a mirror for what you experience in many ways.”<\/p>\n
“I don’t understand.” I said sheepishly.<\/p>\n
“Yeah, you won’t.\u00a0 Its one of those things you have to through yourself.\u00a0 Back to the question.\u00a0 What do you want to do?”<\/p>\n
“I have no idea.\u00a0 What are my choices?”<\/p>\n
“Everything.\u00a0 Anything.\u00a0 So you can’t approach the problem from that direction.\u00a0 What do you like?”<\/p>\n
“I like reading.\u00a0 Love books.\u00a0 I always wanted to be a writer.\u00a0 I like acting… it was a reason I was a stage hand.”<\/p>\n
“You are impossible, kid.” He smiled. “What else?\u00a0 Hobbies?”<\/p>\n
“Playing video games count?”<\/p>\n
“Not really.”\u00a0 He frowned.\u00a0 “Like pong?”<\/p>\n
“Yeah like pong. A little bit more advanced.\u00a0 Warfare simulators.\u00a0 Run and gun.”<\/p>\n
Chuck perked up. “We have soldiers.\u00a0 Always need soldiers.”<\/p>\n
“Uh.\u00a0 No thanks?”<\/p>\n
“Hmmm.\u00a0 Well we will figure it out.\u00a0 Done?”<\/p>\n
“Yes.\u00a0 Stuffed.”<\/p>\n
“Check please!” Chuck said to a passing roach.<\/p>\n
“Oh double bullshit.\u00a0 Money too?”<\/p>\n
“Not so much.”\u00a0 He smiled widely and a roach dropped a gold credit card on the table.\u00a0 Chuck laid his hand on it and slid it back to the roach.\u00a0 It hissed loudly.\u00a0 Chuck responded to the hiss.\u00a0\u00a0 “Very good, thank you.”<\/p>\n
“Let’s go.”\u00a0 He jerked his head to the door.<\/p>\n
“Wait.\u00a0 How did you pay?”<\/p>\n
“So remember how I said it is a meritocracy?\u00a0 Your wealth, if you will, is based on your contributions… and you are paid, if you will, to do your job.\u00a0 This all culminates in you growing.\u00a0 Think of it like a bucket of sand.\u00a0 When you do stuff, you get sand added to your bucket.\u00a0 When you want stuff, you give sand out of your bucket.\u00a0 You are the bucket.”<\/p>\n
“So you paid with yourself?”<\/p>\n
“Yes.\u00a0 I paid the tab with what makes me up.\u00a0 You will encounter people that are truly ghosts.\u00a0 Insubstantial… real wisps.\u00a0 They are on the verge of personal bankruptcy.\u00a0 They have spent their essence to the point they don’t have much left… just a remnant left before the Colos snatches them up. But if you do things right, toe the line, you never really need to worry about it.\u00a0 It all works out.”<\/p>\n
“So everything fits.” I said sarcastically.<\/p>\n
“You are finally sensing a pattern here, eh?”\u00a0 Chuck stepped out of the Diner and to the street edge.\u00a0 The sidewalk was bustling with traffic, all manner of folks going this way and that, all of them gave Chuck a wide berth.\u00a0 In the street, cars, carriages, flying contraptions, were zooming to and fro in the lanes.\u00a0 I swear I saw someone go by on a broom.<\/p>\n
“Rules!\u00a0 Only three rules… the rest are suggestions.”<\/p>\n
I frowned slightly. “That doesn’t sound too bad.\u00a0 But if there are only three, that means they must be big.”<\/p>\n
Chuck slapped my shoulder and laughed. “First rule… don’t make offers you can’t fulfill.\u00a0 Second rule… don’t break vows.\u00a0 Third rule… and the most important… don’t travel out of or into other people’s realms directly.”<\/p>\n
“What does that mean?”<\/p>\n
“You will figure it out.\u00a0 It is a huge no-no, and you can get killed over it.\u00a0 Proverbially speaking, of course.\u00a0 Ready for the career fair?”<\/p>\n
“You said something about a tour.”<\/p>\n
“Yeah, I did,” he said with a grimace. “I had hoped you would forget.\u00a0\u00a0 The tour is a pain in the ass.\u00a0 Thankfully it is short.\u00a0 Ready?”<\/p>\n
I shrugged.\u00a0 Chuck shook his head with a roll of the eyes, and took my arm.\u00a0 I felt that pull again as he turned sideways and I was standing on a hill facing the most spectacular landscape I had ever laid eyes on.\u00a0 I felt my mouth drop open.<\/p>\n
In the distance, bathed in a golden light from a setting sun, a massive castle rose from the green fields around it.\u00a0 The castle was suffused with golden light, with tall spires, and massive walls.\u00a0 Each part of the castle was floating on separate earthen platforms, connected by winding, slowly undualating golden roads.\u00a0 The city fortress was huge, it defied the eyes and the senses.\u00a0 I could see things flying around it and above it, and I swear I could pick up the sound of otherworldly singing far in the distance.<\/p>\n
“That has to be heaven.” I smiled widely, probably grinning like a fool.<\/p>\n
“Nope.\u00a0 That right there is the home of the Angelus.\u00a0 The opposing side to the Authority.\u00a0 So by most Christians, that would be called Hell.”<\/p>\n
“That is not hell.\u00a0 That looks like paradise.”\u00a0 I said in awe.<\/p>\n
“It is for those that choose it.\u00a0 For others, not so much.”\u00a0 He grabbed my arm again.\u00a0 “Next stop, the Authority.”<\/p>\n
We turned again and I felt a lag I had not felt before.\u00a0 It wasn’t painful, but it wasn’t painless.\u00a0 We stepped on a flat plain, the ground was crystal, the grass and plants around us growing green and vibrant.\u00a0 I looked closer and saw that as the plants creeped away from the crystal ground, their bases were also crystal, growing in color and solidity until it looked like an actual plant.\u00a0\u00a0 Off in the distance was something different than the Angelus’ floating city fortresses.\u00a0 This was more elegant.\u00a0 At the center of a glass and crystal city, a tower of light blossomed like a tree into the sky above the city.\u00a0 Its trunk was a pillar of solid brilliance that I could look at without my eyes hurting, and I immediately felt a presence around me, welcoming me with love and kindness.\u00a0 It was familiar, yet alien.\u00a0 Something crazy.\u00a0 My eyes followed the base of the light, up to the continuous lightening storm ranging in its branches.\u00a0 It appeared to be endless.<\/p>\n
Chuck smiled wearily. “Coming here weighs heavily.\u00a0 Did you feel the creator touch your mind?”<\/p>\n
“I did.”<\/p>\n
“His way of saying hello.”<\/p>\n
“Didn’t you just say that I couldn’t meet God?”\u00a0 I raised my hand towards the city of light. “I obviously just did.”<\/p>\n
“HA!\u00a0 Saying hello to someone is not knowing them, dumbass.\u00a0 To know the creator is to be that light… that column isn’t the creator, it is just a conduit.\u00a0 The creator is up and out.”\u00a0 He pointing his finger at the massive never ending lightening storm far above our heads.<\/p>\n
“Up and out?” I lead.<\/p>\n
He didn’t take the bait, or chose not to. “Up and out.”<\/p>\n
Chuck grabbed my arm, looking ashen, and stepped away. We ended up outside a massive Colosseum.\u00a0\u00a0 Not the Greek kind of all columns and marble, but the American kind all steel and glass.\u00a0 At each gate, people where streaming inwards in a constant shuffling movement.<\/p>\n
“What is up with you?” I asked. Chuck wasn’t standing tall, leaning over a little, looking like he was about to vomit heavily on his shoes.<\/p>\n
“Travelling to the Authority is hard for some.\u00a0 Sin and all that.\u00a0 Takes it out of you.\u00a0 Literally.\u00a0 There was a time when the balance of the Prime shifted all the way over to the Authority… A guy named Jesus was born.\u00a0 Then 33 years later on Prime, it was shoved violently back to the Angelus.\u00a0 It was an epic era in the history of Prime.”<\/p>\n
“Why does that matter?\u00a0 Why would you go to vomit town whenever you got close?”<\/p>\n
“You will understand someday… maybe.\u00a0 Maybe not.\u00a0 I am of the latter group.\u00a0 I don’t get it. So the reminder is given to me every time I show up.”<\/p>\n
“Reminder that you have something to be repentant about?”\u00a0 I ventured carefully.<\/p>\n
“I was in real estate.\u00a0 I have my fair share.”\u00a0 Chuck grinned. “Every house has secrets.”<\/p>\n
“HEEEEEY CHUCKY MARY!” A shout from far away tumbled over the tarmac. Chuck stood up straight, and his color came back.\u00a0 He turned and waved.<\/p>\n
“HEEEEEY YOURSELF, YOU FAT LOUSE.”\u00a0 He yelled back.<\/p>\n
A very obese man waddled over and gave Chuck a huge bear hug. “Another escort to the big dome, heh?”<\/p>\n
“Doug, I would like you to meet, his eminence, the Buddha Ascendant, Tom.”\u00a0 Chuck jerked his thumb at me. “And this is Doug, who found himself at the wrong end of an elephant.”<\/p>\n
Tom laughed very loudly and pulled me into a big hug. “Well how do you do, Doug!\u00a0 This is a fine day, isn’t it?”<\/p>\n
I shrugged while encased in his meaty forearms like a huge straight jacket of beef. “I guess?”<\/p>\n
“Yes it is!\u00a0 I completely agree!”\u00a0 He set me down gently.<\/p>\n
“Chuck… I have an escort myself, but stop by in a few turns.\u00a0 I need some help with a recruit.”<\/p>\n
“Sure, Tom.\u00a0 Sure.”<\/p>\n
Tom slapped my shoulder again and started waddling back the way he came, calling out other people’s names and hugging them just as violently as he had hugged me.<\/p>\n
“And that was Tom.”\u00a0 Chuck laughed.<\/p>\n
“Buddha?” I smiled.<\/p>\n
“An honorary title for some people that truly are larger than life.\u00a0 Tom is one of those rare people that just radiates positive energy like a small sun of happiness.”<\/p>\n
“What is his job?”<\/p>\n
“He is a Grader by trade, an ambassador in some ways, and all around, just a really fat happy dude.”<\/p>\n
“Grader?”\u00a0 I asked.<\/p>\n
“Yeah, they take stock of events happening in the Prime shadows, and provide odds.\u00a0 People bet on the events. So that makes him a bookie, if you will.”<\/p>\n
I laughed.\u00a0 “A buddha bookie?”<\/p>\n
“More like a bookie buddha. Anyway… welcome to the Career Fair!”<\/p>\n
We walked in through the gate, and a scene of abject bizarreness opened up before us.\u00a0 Imagine a farmer’s market… in the middle east, a Bazaar, right?\u00a0 Imagine a Bazaar taking place in all directions.\u00a0 Front and back, above and below, side to side.\u00a0 Every where I looked, I saw hundreds, if not thousands of booths with people everywhere. It was overwhelming.<\/p>\n
“Wait right here.” Chuck went over and grabbed a map from a box and handed it to me. “So this will break it down for you.\u00a0 Put your finger on the spot you want to check out and then say GO.\u00a0\u00a0 The map will take you there.\u00a0\u00a0 Once you make your choice, I will meet you there, and we will sign you up together.”<\/p>\n
“Wait.\u00a0 You are leaving me?” I said meekly.\u00a0 I felt terror bubbling up from my gut.\u00a0 My ghost gut.<\/p>\n
“Yes I am. You will be fine.\u00a0 I will be nearby… look I am right over there, handing off another case.”<\/p>\n
Sure enough, I turned the direction he was pointing, and there was Chuck with a hand on the shoulder of very scared looking young blonde woman in the same gray Asian coveralls that I was wearing.\u00a0 He waved at me.<\/p>\n
“What the hell?” I said out loud.<\/p>\n
“Lesson 1: Time is different here.” Chuck smiled, and waved at himself.\u00a0 “Lesson 2: The statistical average is 6 days.”<\/p>\n
“6 Days for what?”<\/p>\n
“Until you find your next job.\u00a0 See you later Doug.\u00a0 Good luck.”\u00a0 With a quick nod of the head, he stepped away in the odd way that he did.<\/p>\n
And there I was. Holding a map, surrounding by thousands, if not millions of other folks, in the largest, most bizarre place I could imagine, looking like a complete ass.<\/p>\n
Time to find a job.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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