“So what do I do now?” I said.\u00a0 I was sitting on the couch in my newly acquired office.\u00a0 My arms were shaking slightly and the water I was trying to hold was just sloshing out all over my cheap temporary jumpsuit.<\/p>\n
“Well.\u00a0 First things first.\u00a0 Calm the hell down, Dougie.\u00a0 You died yesterday, this is nothing in comparison.”\u00a0 I heard Chuck swallow heavily beside me. “Besides, um, yeah…\u00a0 look at the silver lining.”<\/p>\n
“And that is?”<\/p>\n
“I don’t know.\u00a0 You will find it eventually I suppose.”\u00a0 Chuck slapped me on the back, and more water sloshed out of my paper cup.<\/p>\n
“And after I calm down, what next?” I said.<\/p>\n
“I suggest exploring your realm a bit.\u00a0 Your office.\u00a0 Whatever you want to call it.\u00a0 Get comfortable… you will have plenty of time to process all this.”<\/p>\n
“Yeah?”<\/p>\n
“Yeah.”\u00a0 He swallowed again.<\/p>\n
“How do I ‘call’ you?” I glowered at the floor while I tried to tone down the anxiety. Does the afterlife have prescription meds?\u00a0 I needed a valium.<\/p>\n
“So, you are getting the crash course here.\u00a0 Every individual born on Prime is born with unique fingerprint right?\u00a0 Think of that fingerprint being representative of their soul’s signature.\u00a0 Every person is unique in that way… and we pick up on that.\u00a0 A piece of our minds are built to store and understand those signatures intuitively.\u00a0 Just think about me, a mental representation of me, and then just kind of reach for it.”<\/p>\n
“Reach for it?” I am sure I was coming off as a whiny bitch. “That is the best instruction you can give?”<\/p>\n
“Well, in my defense, people are usually given years to learn about the ins and outs of the afterlife.\u00a0 It is a sheltered process, with a mentor, and a shared realm, and most people are shown the ropes in a gentle, proscribed way.\u00a0 The after life has been going on for millennia.\u00a0 We have it down.”<\/p>\n
“Except for me.” I sighed.<\/p>\n
“It seems you are the exception to the way of things, Doug.\u00a0 Bravo!”\u00a0 He clapped me on the back again.\u00a0 “Buck up, buttercup.\u00a0 You will figure it out.\u00a0 Tell you what… I will check back in on you tomorrow, ok?\u00a0 You still have the map?”<\/p>\n
“Yeah, its over on the desk.”\u00a0 I pointed distractedly at the blotter that should be covered in dead guy.<\/p>\n
“Your first bit of instruction should have been about your Map.\u00a0 That map is more than just a guide at the Career Fair.\u00a0\u00a0 It changes to the realm you adopt, and gears you to the political party you join.\u00a0 Except you can’t join a party.\u00a0 Because, well, you are adjudicator now.\u00a0 So the map will be a bit more useful for you.\u00a0 Open design and all that.\u00a0 Use it.\u00a0 Get to know it so you can replace the abstract on it…. the Djinn-on-Demand.”<\/p>\n
“The genie dude?”<\/p>\n
“Yeah, the genie dude.\u00a0 He is a subbed abstract, tied to your map.\u00a0 Eventually you will learn how to sub your own abstract and replace your Djinn with your own Avatar.\u00a0\u00a0 Then you eventually you will learn how to use the map without using the map.”<\/p>\n
“That makes absolutely no sense, Chuck.\u00a0 Are you even speaking English?\u00a0 I recognize the words, but you are not making any sense.”\u00a0 I said exasperatedly.<\/p>\n
“Ok.\u00a0 Let me try again.\u00a0 Map good.\u00a0 Use map.\u00a0 The Map help is a temporary connection to a person somewhere else, essentially a very simple guiding hand for your copy of the map.\u00a0 You will eventually learn the map so well that you won’t need it and you will be able to do it yourself.\u00a0 Good enough?”<\/p>\n
“Yeah, good enough.”\u00a0 I sighed.\u00a0 I leaned back and rested my head against the wall.\u00a0 Chuck stood up and smiled widely as he stretched.<\/p>\n
“I am going to go, check in with a few folks, get some info.\u00a0 Since you didn’t sign anything, you may have some options.\u00a0 I will get back to you tomorrow.”<\/p>\n
“Ok.\u00a0 Until then?”<\/p>\n
“Sleep, eat, explore your realm… play with the map.\u00a0 Whatever.\u00a0 Until you learn up on some things, you are stuck here.”<\/p>\n
“Great.”\u00a0 I sighed heavily (again).<\/p>\n
“Cheer up.\u00a0 Could be worse.”<\/p>\n
“How so?”\u00a0 I said.<\/p>\n
“You could still be hanging from the elephant.” He snickered.<\/p>\n
“You have a point.”<\/p>\n
A few minutes after Chuck left, I got up and started exploring my office.\u00a0 The main room was roughly square, with windows on two sides.\u00a0 The half height windows opened up to what looked like the cold, snow covered ridges of a mountain range.\u00a0 The wall opposite was the smoked glass door with the description I couldn’t read without vomiting (apparently).\u00a0 The oak desk stood in the middle, with multiple drawers on either side.\u00a0 The gun with the sunlight bullets was still sitting on the blotter and I only got close enough to grab the map.<\/p>\n
The gun looked angry.\u00a0 I tried to keep my distance from the desk and its swivel chair.\u00a0 The office had a couple stationary chairs in front of the desk, well worn and the upholstery looking a bit thin.\u00a0 There were filing cabinets under all the windows, with plenty of files and folders on top in small neat piles.\u00a0 To the left was the couch I was sitting on, leather, and like the chairs, serviceable but a bit worn.\u00a0\u00a0 There was a door to the left I hadn’t used yet, so I pushed it open.<\/p>\n
Attached was an apartment of sorts.\u00a0 A bedroom, a bathroom (why the fuck did I need a bathroom?), a kitchen, a couple of closets, and bits and bobs strewn over the tables, counters, and shelves.\u00a0 I walked through like a stranger in someone’s home, looking carefully here and there, taking care not to touch anything.\u00a0\u00a0 I felt like an intruder in someone else’s life.\u00a0 This was Saint Anthony’s life in here.\u00a0 Not mine.\u00a0 It felt strange.<\/p>\n
The bathroom really bugged me.\u00a0 I stood at the door for a good 15 minutes contemplating the devices arrayed around the tiled surround.\u00a0 There was no toilet (thank god, who wants to defecate), but there was a shower, and a separate tub, and what looked like a washing machine and dryer thing.\u00a0 A sink for sure, that was easy to understand.\u00a0 But the last thing…<\/p>\n
An altar-looking-thing?\u00a0 It was silver and porcelain.\u00a0 I just couldn’t understand what it was.\u00a0 I took a few short steps and approached it like a landmine, careful not to not get to close.\u00a0 There was a simple seat in front of it… I sat down and carefully looked it over.<\/p>\n
It almost looked like an old time piano… a small upright piano.\u00a0 I could make out what looked like indentations in the flat part in front where the piano keys would be.\u00a0 Almost like two hands could fit there.\u00a0 I put my right hand on the console and felt a warmth spread across my hand.<\/p>\n
“Hello?” A small sounding voice said.\u00a0 It sounded familiar.<\/p>\n
“Hello?” I said right back.<\/p>\n
“Who is this?” The voice replied very kindly, a patient voice.\u00a0 A caring voice.<\/p>\n
“My name is Doug.\u00a0 Who is this?”<\/p>\n
“My name is Fernando Martins de Bulhoes… most of my friends call me Tony.\u00a0 What are you doing at my nexus console?”<\/p>\n
“I am sorry, I didn’t know what this is.\u00a0 I seem to have inherited the room that this is in… I was trying to figure it out.”<\/p>\n
“You inherited the room?!” The voice sounded a little panicked.<\/p>\n
“Yeah, not sure how it happened.\u00a0 But the previous owner seems to have destroyed himself.”<\/p>\n
“I… committed suicide?” The voice sounded horrified.<\/p>\n
“Um.\u00a0 No?\u00a0 I am really confused right now.”\u00a0 I think honesty was the best policy, and I had no idea what was going on.\u00a0 This time yesterday I was getting ready for a stage show after eating a modest breakfast and finishing my latest book.<\/p>\n
“Tell me what happened.”<\/p>\n
So I did.\u00a0 I started at the finding of the booth, and up to the point I sat down at the console.<\/p>\n
“Merde.\u00a0 That means my time is limited.\u00a0 Listen very carefully, Doug.\u00a0 First, I am an abstract of the man you saw kill himself.\u00a0 Since my soul has been destroyed, the remainder of what i am will start to fade from the verse.\u00a0 So I need you to listen to me very carefully, my time is limited.”<\/p>\n
“You are a copy of the guy that killed himself in front of me?”<\/p>\n
“Yes. Kind of.\u00a0 Not at all, really, but close enough.\u00a0 Now listen.”<\/p>\n
“I am.”<\/p>\n
“I didn’t kill myself.”<\/p>\n
“Yes you did. You put the gun up to your temple and pulled the trigger.\u00a0 You even told me why, remember?”<\/p>\n
“I didn’t kill myself.\u00a0 I am Catholic, an ordained priest and friar.\u00a0 I am an expert of my faith.\u00a0 I would never cause self eradication.\u00a0 It goes against my entire fabric of being.”<\/p>\n
“So who killed you?” I asked.<\/p>\n
“That is why I am going to pay you to find out.\u00a0 Your first case, Adjudicator.”<\/p>\n
“I am not an Adjudicator.\u00a0 I am just a punk kid from Winchester.\u00a0 I didn’t even go to college.”<\/p>\n
“You are now.\u00a0 The realm is yours, and yours alone, everything in it is now yours too. Including this console.\u00a0 Including what is left of me.\u00a0 I will fade as the console is used, but I will pay you in information.\u00a0 Do you have your map?”<\/p>\n
“Yes.”<\/p>\n
“Put it on the nexus console with your hands.\u00a0 Don’t lift your right hand while you do it.”<\/p>\n
I placed the map on the console, and rested my left hand on the console next to it.\u00a0 The warmth was stronger and the far away voice seemed much closer.<\/p>\n
“Perfect.\u00a0 I am going to transfer the last of my consciousness into the map.\u00a0 That way it is bound more tightly to you, and keep me around for a little longer.\u00a0 I am replacing the Djinn.”<\/p>\n
“When?” I said.<\/p>\n
“Its already done.\u00a0 The nexus console is empty.\u00a0 You can pick up the map now.”<\/p>\n
“What is the console for?” I asked the map.<\/p>\n
Tony’s voice came out of the map, and a little monk appeared floating above the display.\u00a0 “The nexus console is a laboratory of a sort.\u00a0 It allows you to transfer things to think about to an abstract.\u00a0 It allows people to think about more things over a span of time, and when you reintegrate, your understanding is deeper.\u00a0 It is way to learn things quickly, or reflect on the nature of things.\u00a0 It is an external brain in a way.”<\/p>\n
“So you are the only part of Tony left.” I said.<\/p>\n
“Exactly.\u00a0 And before I get subsumed by your own abstract, we need to find out why I killed myself.”<\/p>\n
“And how do you suppose we are going to do that?\u00a0 I don’t know how to do anything.”<\/p>\n
“I will teach you.\u00a0 I was blessed with the pedagogical gift.”<\/p>\n
“That sound dirty.” I mused. “Catholic priest, huh?”<\/p>\n
“I won’t even acknowledge that filth and insinuation, young man.”<\/p>\n
I felt the proverbial ruler come down on the knuckles of my consciousness.\u00a0 Feeling admonished, I apologized immediately. “Sorry.”<\/p>\n
“We start at the beginning.\u00a0 Go to my desk.\u00a0 Let’s see floats to the top.\u00a0 But first, clothes.\u00a0 You can’t go out in your Deathday jumpsuit.\u00a0 Head to the closet. You will find that everything fits you.\u00a0 Pick something out.”<\/p>\n
“Why will it all fit?\u00a0 Why does everything fit?”<\/p>\n
“The severe constraints of the physical universe are only enforced on Prime.\u00a0 Everywhere else, things are a little more flexible.\u00a0 Much like a pitcher of water will fill always fill a certain volume, the shadows of Prime fit the whole of creation.\u00a0 It is by design.”<\/p>\n
“A bizarre design.” I said.<\/p>\n
“No. It is elegant.\u00a0 Do not mistake something you don’t understand as something that is not understood.”<\/p>\n
“A little understanding would help.”<\/p>\n
“As it usually does. Go.”<\/p>\n
I set the mpa down and headed to the closet to try a few things on.\u00a0 The closet was sparse, mostly suits of a bygone age.\u00a0 I found some slacks and a button down that I could call my own without too much worry, and with the diminishing source of shock, everything fit.<\/p>\n
I came back out and picked up the map.<\/p>\n
“What I think, and this is a personal opinion in my thousand years of fighting the good fight, but the universe on this side of prime is not a perfect fit.\u00a0 The difference is that we expect it to be a perfect fit.\u00a0 We are given the control by the creator to find the basis of our true selves, our perfect self image… so our self image is usually with clothes that fit… and viola, the clothes fit.”<\/p>\n
I laughed.\u00a0 “Or maybe it is all a fluke.”<\/p>\n
Tony was silent for a moment.\u00a0 “Tell me, young Doug, did you believe in God before you died?”<\/p>\n
“Honestly, no, I didn’t.\u00a0 I was an atheist.” I replied.<\/p>\n
“How did you react when you found out there was one?”<\/p>\n
“Surprised.”<\/p>\n
Tony chuckled softly. “Why is that?”<\/p>\n
“I was raised in a Christian home, and I thought that the inevitable nature of God was ridiculous.\u00a0 None of it made much sense.\u00a0\u00a0 I caring, loving God that let people suffer and experience horrors.\u00a0 It just smelled like snake oil.”<\/p>\n
“Ironically you don’t have to choose after you die.\u00a0 Has that dawned on you?”<\/p>\n
“I guess that makes sense.\u00a0 No heaven, no hell.” I admitted.<\/p>\n
“Oh, no, dear Doug, there is a heaven and a hell.”<\/p>\n
“But there isn’t judgement and all that, or I would be in hell, right?”<\/p>\n
“Oh there is judgement too.”<\/p>\n
“Then why all this?” I waved my arm about to indicate my afterlife so far. “Why all this?”<\/p>\n
“I think it is an extra chance.\u00a0 We are finally given proof to make the right choice.”<\/p>\n
“That doesn’t make any sense, though.\u00a0 Why would we be given an extra chance?”<\/p>\n
“God’s love is eternal.”<\/p>\n
“Yeah, and so is some people’s obstinate belief that there isn’t. If you were such a believer, why did you blow your brains out?”<\/p>\n
“That is the… question.”\u00a0 I could feel the heavy sigh from the map. “That is the question, indeed.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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