“So what do you want to do?” Chuck asked with a smirk, tipping his beer bottle into the corner of his mouth. I noticed the label finally. Kours Lite. That sounded familiar… although I didn’t know why.
“I have no idea. I had hard enough time figuring that out when I was alive.” I had graduated high school, moved from job to job, starting and stopping community college at least a half dozen times, and I still had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up. Which was never going to happen now. “Do I age?”
“More or less. Aging is different on this side of Prime. You don’t break down in physical form any longer… since entropy is not in effect with what you are made of, but your mind continues to grow. Everything is based off of your age in that sense. Your appearance can change at will. It is all about self image, really. You will meet young looking people that have been dead for millennia, and old walking corpses that died at 10 years of age but like the zombie look. Your mind…” He reached across the table and tapped my forehead. “Your mind continues on. That is what is holding what makes you together. I died on Prime at the ripe old age of 79. I was a real estate agent in my previous life, selling bungalows and revivals to people with way too much money out in a place called Los Angeles.”
“I know it. Hollywood and all that; horrible airport.”
“Really? Must have been after I left. So I show up, ready for my harp and wings, and this crusty old lady meets me when I woke up after transit. She looked me right in the eye and said, ‘I hope your life was fun, because now its time to get busy.’ It turns out that she was only looking like that to make herself be respected, like a matronly school teacher or a dear aunt. Honestly, she looked like Mary-fucking-Poppins hit her stride.”
I laughed. I loved that movie. Never read the book.
“Yeah, right? That is what I thought too. She tells me… the world is bigger than I ever thought. I thought I was smart when I died. Like I had it all figured out… I was wrong. That single notion that I knew that I had a billion other things to learn… that is what enabled me to grow, prosper, and ultimately be sitting here in front of you, your skilled and friendly transition expert.”
“So what do you do? Do you have a home? Days off?”
“Yes… kind of. Its… complicated. I have a realm that I share with others like me. I am there right now. You just don’t get it yet. That is what maturity brings. The afterlife is a meritocracy in many ways. As you mature, and you learn more, and your consciousness expands… your relative worth increases. It is a badge of sorts… boy scouts or something like that. At different stages of your personal journey, you will learn new things about the world we live in and that reflects both outwardly and inwardly. You are a mirror for what you experience in many ways.”
“I don’t understand.” I said sheepishly.
“Yeah, you won’t. Its one of those things you have to through yourself. Back to the question. What do you want to do?”
“I have no idea. What are my choices?”
“Everything. Anything. So you can’t approach the problem from that direction. What do you like?”
“I like reading. Love books. I always wanted to be a writer. I like acting… it was a reason I was a stage hand.”
“You are impossible, kid.” He smiled. “What else? Hobbies?”
“Playing video games count?”
“Not really.” He frowned. “Like pong?”
“Yeah like pong. A little bit more advanced. Warfare simulators. Run and gun.”
Chuck perked up. “We have soldiers. Always need soldiers.”
“Uh. No thanks?”
“Hmmm. Well we will figure it out. Done?”
“Yes. Stuffed.”
“Check please!” Chuck said to a passing roach.
“Oh double bullshit. Money too?”
“Not so much.” He smiled widely and a roach dropped a gold credit card on the table. Chuck laid his hand on it and slid it back to the roach. It hissed loudly. Chuck responded to the hiss. “Very good, thank you.”
“Let’s go.” He jerked his head to the door.
“Wait. How did you pay?”
“So remember how I said it is a meritocracy? Your wealth, if you will, is based on your contributions… and you are paid, if you will, to do your job. This all culminates in you growing. Think of it like a bucket of sand. When you do stuff, you get sand added to your bucket. When you want stuff, you give sand out of your bucket. You are the bucket.”
“So you paid with yourself?”
“Yes. I paid the tab with what makes me up. You will encounter people that are truly ghosts. Insubstantial… real wisps. They are on the verge of personal bankruptcy. They have spent their essence to the point they don’t have much left… just a remnant left before the Colos snatches them up. But if you do things right, toe the line, you never really need to worry about it. It all works out.”
“So everything fits.” I said sarcastically.
“You are finally sensing a pattern here, eh?” Chuck stepped out of the Diner and to the street edge. The sidewalk was bustling with traffic, all manner of folks going this way and that, all of them gave Chuck a wide berth. In the street, cars, carriages, flying contraptions, were zooming to and fro in the lanes. I swear I saw someone go by on a broom.
“Rules! Only three rules… the rest are suggestions.”
I frowned slightly. “That doesn’t sound too bad. But if there are only three, that means they must be big.”
Chuck slapped my shoulder and laughed. “First rule… don’t make offers you can’t fulfill. Second rule… don’t break vows. Third rule… and the most important… don’t travel out of or into other people’s realms directly.”
“What does that mean?”
“You will figure it out. It is a huge no-no, and you can get killed over it. Proverbially speaking, of course. Ready for the career fair?”
“You said something about a tour.”
“Yeah, I did,” he said with a grimace. “I had hoped you would forget. The tour is a pain in the ass. Thankfully it is short. Ready?”
I shrugged. Chuck shook his head with a roll of the eyes, and took my arm. I felt that pull again as he turned sideways and I was standing on a hill facing the most spectacular landscape I had ever laid eyes on. I felt my mouth drop open.
In the distance, bathed in a golden light from a setting sun, a massive castle rose from the green fields around it. The castle was suffused with golden light, with tall spires, and massive walls. Each part of the castle was floating on separate earthen platforms, connected by winding, slowly undualating golden roads. The city fortress was huge, it defied the eyes and the senses. I could see things flying around it and above it, and I swear I could pick up the sound of otherworldly singing far in the distance.
“That has to be heaven.” I smiled widely, probably grinning like a fool.
“Nope. That right there is the home of the Angelus. The opposing side to the Authority. So by most Christians, that would be called Hell.”
“That is not hell. That looks like paradise.” I said in awe.
“It is for those that choose it. For others, not so much.” He grabbed my arm again. “Next stop, the Authority.”
We turned again and I felt a lag I had not felt before. It wasn’t painful, but it wasn’t painless. We stepped on a flat plain, the ground was crystal, the grass and plants around us growing green and vibrant. I looked closer and saw that as the plants creeped away from the crystal ground, their bases were also crystal, growing in color and solidity until it looked like an actual plant. Off in the distance was something different than the Angelus’ floating city fortresses. This was more elegant. At the center of a glass and crystal city, a tower of light blossomed like a tree into the sky above the city. Its trunk was a pillar of solid brilliance that I could look at without my eyes hurting, and I immediately felt a presence around me, welcoming me with love and kindness. It was familiar, yet alien. Something crazy. My eyes followed the base of the light, up to the continuous lightening storm ranging in its branches. It appeared to be endless.
Chuck smiled wearily. “Coming here weighs heavily. Did you feel the creator touch your mind?”
“I did.”
“His way of saying hello.”
“Didn’t you just say that I couldn’t meet God?” I raised my hand towards the city of light. “I obviously just did.”
“HA! Saying hello to someone is not knowing them, dumbass. To know the creator is to be that light… that column isn’t the creator, it is just a conduit. The creator is up and out.” He pointing his finger at the massive never ending lightening storm far above our heads.
“Up and out?” I lead.
He didn’t take the bait, or chose not to. “Up and out.”
Chuck grabbed my arm, looking ashen, and stepped away. We ended up outside a massive Colosseum. Not the Greek kind of all columns and marble, but the American kind all steel and glass. At each gate, people where streaming inwards in a constant shuffling movement.
“What is up with you?” I asked. Chuck wasn’t standing tall, leaning over a little, looking like he was about to vomit heavily on his shoes.
“Travelling to the Authority is hard for some. Sin and all that. Takes it out of you. Literally. There was a time when the balance of the Prime shifted all the way over to the Authority… A guy named Jesus was born. Then 33 years later on Prime, it was shoved violently back to the Angelus. It was an epic era in the history of Prime.”
“Why does that matter? Why would you go to vomit town whenever you got close?”
“You will understand someday… maybe. Maybe not. I am of the latter group. I don’t get it. So the reminder is given to me every time I show up.”
“Reminder that you have something to be repentant about?” I ventured carefully.
“I was in real estate. I have my fair share.” Chuck grinned. “Every house has secrets.”
“HEEEEEY CHUCKY MARY!” A shout from far away tumbled over the tarmac. Chuck stood up straight, and his color came back. He turned and waved.
“HEEEEEY YOURSELF, YOU FAT LOUSE.” He yelled back.
A very obese man waddled over and gave Chuck a huge bear hug. “Another escort to the big dome, heh?”
“Doug, I would like you to meet, his eminence, the Buddha Ascendant, Tom.” Chuck jerked his thumb at me. “And this is Doug, who found himself at the wrong end of an elephant.”
Tom laughed very loudly and pulled me into a big hug. “Well how do you do, Doug! This is a fine day, isn’t it?”
I shrugged while encased in his meaty forearms like a huge straight jacket of beef. “I guess?”
“Yes it is! I completely agree!” He set me down gently.
“Chuck… I have an escort myself, but stop by in a few turns. I need some help with a recruit.”
“Sure, Tom. Sure.”
Tom slapped my shoulder again and started waddling back the way he came, calling out other people’s names and hugging them just as violently as he had hugged me.
“And that was Tom.” Chuck laughed.
“Buddha?” I smiled.
“An honorary title for some people that truly are larger than life. Tom is one of those rare people that just radiates positive energy like a small sun of happiness.”
“What is his job?”
“He is a Grader by trade, an ambassador in some ways, and all around, just a really fat happy dude.”
“Grader?” I asked.
“Yeah, they take stock of events happening in the Prime shadows, and provide odds. People bet on the events. So that makes him a bookie, if you will.”
I laughed. “A buddha bookie?”
“More like a bookie buddha. Anyway… welcome to the Career Fair!”
We walked in through the gate, and a scene of abject bizarreness opened up before us. Imagine a farmer’s market… in the middle east, a Bazaar, right? Imagine a Bazaar taking place in all directions. Front and back, above and below, side to side. Every where I looked, I saw hundreds, if not thousands of booths with people everywhere. It was overwhelming.
“Wait right here.” Chuck went over and grabbed a map from a box and handed it to me. “So this will break it down for you. Put your finger on the spot you want to check out and then say GO. The map will take you there. Once you make your choice, I will meet you there, and we will sign you up together.”
“Wait. You are leaving me?” I said meekly. I felt terror bubbling up from my gut. My ghost gut.
“Yes I am. You will be fine. I will be nearby… look I am right over there, handing off another case.”
Sure enough, I turned the direction he was pointing, and there was Chuck with a hand on the shoulder of very scared looking young blonde woman in the same gray Asian coveralls that I was wearing. He waved at me.
“What the hell?” I said out loud.
“Lesson 1: Time is different here.” Chuck smiled, and waved at himself. “Lesson 2: The statistical average is 6 days.”
“6 Days for what?”
“Until you find your next job. See you later Doug. Good luck.” With a quick nod of the head, he stepped away in the odd way that he did.
And there I was. Holding a map, surrounding by thousands, if not millions of other folks, in the largest, most bizarre place I could imagine, looking like a complete ass.
Time to find a job.